“If you hear your name, please stand up and move to the set of seats on my right. For those who won’t be hearing their names, always know that in any test of knowledge, there will be those who passed and those who didn’t. I wish you guys all the best” this was from the handsome ebony skinned tall staff member who had been acting as moderator for the interview.
His well dressed looks brought it back to me that I had not bought new clothes in over two years. I wasn’t very surprised to note that my name wasn’t amongst the ones called. Not when lady B!tch obviously had a hard on for me.
The look of sheer joy on the face of these called brought back my insecurity and self-doubts again as I dejectedly walked out of the building with the other rejects. Now the droplets of rain growing increasingly heavier just added to my despair. I looked around as other people scampered to the buildings around to hide from the rain and I literally lost the zeal to care if I was drenched or not.
What was I running away from the rain for? I didn’t get the job and God knows I have been trying, to get back on my feet but it seems as if where I am standing is so slippery, it is an uphill task to do so.
I turned away from the building housing the organization and started walking down the lonely road leading to the bus stop. I could literally feel the dozens of eyes on me as I made my way dejectedly to the bus stop.
Emotions I didn’t want to recognize or acknowledge coursed through me and tears rolled down my cheeks. I was ready to give it all up. To just lie down and die. I was so ready to throw in the towel. Who wouldn’t? To move from being the head of a unit in a blue chip company to becoming this pariah, this disgraceful personality. This person that only attracts sneers and jeers from people who should have been your support system. It was almost like I was alone in the world, like no one cared, like I was a vampire walking in the shadows watching the world fly by in exhilarating colour while I make do with grey and black shadows.
It would be so easy to just slit my wrists with a sharp knife or razor blade, to just drink sniper or bleach. I had looked up easy ways to commit suicide so many times and the results astounded me.
Many people must really want to die if the search results were anything to go by. Besides, it’s not as if anyone would miss me. My father was late. He would have been the only one to miss me or mourn me. Others who should have been my support system could care less. They see me as a burden anyway.
But one thing or rather one person still drew me backwards from the brink of suicide that I was determined to give in to. Because of him, I was determined to give life another push to get started.
I was determined to make a name for myself again. To start from the beginning again. I was determined to rub my success in the faces of the sneering and doubting Thomas’….