( Politics )
“ I’m sorry Bolanle I didn’t mean to ” he try to hold me while I just snap my hand away.
“ you know I think you are the one cheating in this marriage cause if you are not you won’t think I am ” I said passing the opposite side to get the hell out of the kitchen. Later that night, I totally ignore cooking and I just went for the chips in my wardrobe. After eating to my satisfaction I took a long shower, wore my pyjamas and I balanced myself on our matrimonial bed.
I don’t need to cry but what Kanmi did was totally painful I didn’t even rub my cheeks I just have to calm my pained heart. Already sleeping I felt him beside me I didn’t even turn to look at him I just wished he will just get the hell away from me that night but my wish didn’t came true at all.
“ Can we talk? ” he said but I just remained there as if he never exist at all but suddenly I remember baby we got married
jay and the pain suddenly cut through me I just sigh involuntarily giving him a sign that I’m awake.
“ it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me but I just want to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to it’s just that, that your cousin is friend to a friend of mine and they never mentioned you in their conversations before that’s why I didn’t believe you I’m sorry. You know I love you don’t you? ” he said and there was a pin drop silence I didn’t even a make a sound.
“ I got angry because I love you and I don’t want to lose you to another man cause you are mine and mine alone ” he said like he is threatening me or something I just want to slap him there but I won’t. It’s not as if i am some kind of possession or car or an asset I’m mine and only God have the right to claim me.
I couldn’t listen to whatever he said afterwards cause I was in another world dreaming of my baby. I wonder when I will have another baby and why I’m not pregnant or something ok we just got married but it’s over a year already and still no sign of pregnancy.
Two years passed and I still couldn’t get pregnant. I became worried but my mum said I should calm down that I will soon get pregnant maybe because of stress and I should stop working. I stop working truly but for about five months or something nothing seems to be coming. I wanted to start working again but Kanmi stopped me. My friend Esther got married not quite long after my own marriage but she is already with a beautiful girl and I’m here with nothing.
Not even a miscarriage nothing, like not even a skip in my period or something I’m just there like an empty shell. It’s already getting tiring and Kanmi is not helping me too sometimes I will be h—y and he’ll be like he’s stressed, something happened in the company, something happened on the road, traffic and blah blah blah.
As time goes on I started getting depressed again, baby jay would visit me in my dream to comfort me. I want another baby i want a baby that will stay with me not the one that will only visits my dream. I started attending different churches just to find a solution to my problem but all what they told me is to wait for God’s time okay I accept.
But when time keep wasting I started going to nasfat too one of my Muslim friends took me there and I started going there every Friday to pray and going to churches on Sunday since they say there’s no way God cannot answer our prayers. I became a person with multi faith so I can have children.
I don’t know why but suddenly Kanmi became all sweet again and he started noticing my presence in the house again. He started giving me sex like before and I should confess I felt loved and appreciated once again but six months passed no sign of pregnancy but I still didn’t stop going to church or Nasfat. It’s not my fault actually I’m desperate. There was a day I broke down in tears in front of my mom and she had to pacify me with her wonderful hug. She felt my pain as a mother and she didn’t turn her back on me.
She started attending churches with me but she refused to go to nasfat with me. We prayed like there is no tomorrow and God finally answer my question and he found solution to my problem. I was so overjoyed the day I noticed skipped my period and the PT test was positive. So I’ll become a mother again.
Kanmi felt happy and even my mom was overjoyed and threw a party between the three of us. I started imagining baby kicks even though it’s not time yet. I develop a bound with this new baby again and within little time I started shopping for baby things. My mum gave me the baby shoe she bought four years ago when I was pregnant with baby Jay.
I felt joy seeing the shoes again and my mum moved in with us, Kanmi started arguing about the baby’s gender again. He said he doesn’t want his baby to have his first breath in Nigeria, seriously. I don’t want also maybe countries like Canada or France yes I want to give my baby everything.
But my joy ended again, I had another miscarriage again!! Now my bundle joy was snapped away from me within the twinkle of an eye I went into coma for three weeks and the saddest thing is that the doctor said I shouldn’t try to get pregnant for like three years to come or I’ll regret it.
My mum felt bad and I felt worse because our dreams had been shattered once again and even Kanmi was not himself. The loss hurt him and I could feel it sign that I still love him. And we couldn’t move on for months.
I was resting on my own one afternoon when my husband suddenly come home and told me he want to venture into politics. Politics? That dirty game?