It was like a carpenter threw a sledge hammer on my chest. I starred at Madam Amaka like one who had not seen her before.
I should have been happy. I should have jumped for joy when she announced that we would be stopping our sex escapades for a while. But for some reason I was not happy.
If this news had come when I was still Ten years old, I guess I would have been happy. But I was nineteen years of age, and would soon be twenty.
I felt like a sex toy being used in secrete. I felt I could be dumped at anytime. I realised that what Madam Amaka and I did in secrete would never be right. “Why do we have to stop? What are you hiding?” I asked. “Come on Wale. My daughter Anike is a very sensitive young lady and very much exposed. You know she spent her days in the united states. If she suspects anything between us, she would immediately report us to your mother. She is very out spoken. I do not want her to find out. So we have to lie low for a while. She wont be staying long. When she is gone, we can continue our adventure in peace. ”I heaved a deep sigh and turned away from her. I was not happy but did not know how to tell her.
For nine full years I warmed madam Amaka’s bed. I had gotten used to her already. I knew her spot. I knew her weak points. I watched her moan to my touch. I was already used to her. I didn’t know if I could stop my sexual adventures with her. I didn’t know if I could pretend not to have anything to do with her within the period Anike was around. This was going to be the very first time I would have to stay away from her.
Madam Amaka raised her hands and placed it on my shoulders. It was an attempt to get me to look in her eyes.“Wale. What is the problem?” She asked softly.“Why don’t we stop this once and for all if we cannot even be proud of it. Let us stop it. Your daughter is coming and you are hiding. We hide from my mother. We hide from my father. We hide from the neighbors. We have been hiding for nine years. Its been Nine years. Nine full years.” I shouted indignantly. “Shut up. Wale Shut up. Look here let me tell you. I said look at me.” She shouted, pulling me back with her hands. Her nails brushed the top of my shoulder, slightly pricking my skin.
I turned reluctantly towards her. I could see her angry eyes pierce into mine. I could see a ball of angry fire waiting to be unleashed on me. She controlled every bitof it. She swallowed hard and continued.“We are not going to stop. I own you now. I thought you what ever you know today. I made you what you are now. I played a seventy percent role in your upbringing. I am used to you already. You have my cells in you. We are not going to stop. We can’t stop.” She said firmly.“But I am not comfortable any longer. I am not. I am tired of hiding. I am all grown up now.”“Wale, I know you are simply searching for a way to meet those small girls outside. But I will never give you that chance. You will not use what I thought you, and what I am suppose to be enjoying on all those girls out there. If you ever think of leaving me, I promise you, I will kill you.”I had already gotten used to Madam Amaka’s threats. I took her words as just mare threats meant to scare me and make me act according to her wish. She had been threatening to kill me ever since I was Ten. I gave a loud hiss and sat on the bed with my hands folded to my chest. The frown on my face was now more evident and real.
I had so many questions in my heart I needed to ask Madam Amaka. I felt cheated. I needed to know why I was chosen in the first place. It was like I was in a cage where there was no freedom. Why didn’t she let me go when I was still Ten? Why did she subdue me into sleeping with her for nine full years?“Wale look at me. What is it? Why you keeping that face? Tell me.”“I have a question to ask you. I have been wanting to ask you this question ever since I was a child.”“What question is that?”“When your husband died nine years ago. Why didn’t you just search for another man. Why didn’t you meet another guy to satisfy your burning sexual desires.
Why did it have to be me? An innocent me. Why?”Madam Amaka immediately breath in deep and exhaled. I felt her breath touch my face.“I don’t think I have answers to that question Wale. I do not have answers to that.” She replied turning towards the ceiling. “You do. You should tell me. I deserve to know. Why me? Why choose me? Why make me a secrete sex toy whose only Job was to warm your bed.” I shouted angrily.
Madam Amaka had never seen me this angry before. All my life she had known me to do whatever she wanted without complain. But this time, she had seen the seriousness in my eyes.“Wale why are you asking this question now? When did you start asking questions about us?”“Because I need to know. A part of me wants this to stop. But yet a part of me doesn’t want it to stop too. Don’t you understand? I do not have friends because you have stopped me from having one. I do not even have a girlfriend. It pains me so much. All my life I have lived with questions in my heart. I think I should know now.
At least I am matured to know. Why me? Tell me. Why? Why choose me?”“Men are dogs Wale. Men are cheats. That’s why. You were a boy. I saw a faithful boy who truly loved me. One who would never cheat just like my God forsaken husband did. One who would not beat up a woman that fed him. One who would not use my money to feed other women outside. I saw that person in you and I chose. I chose to share myself with you than with other men out there.” Madam Amaka said. “But I was a boy. I was just a boy. Couldn’t you have at least waited for me to become of age before you used me.
Couldn’t you have at least allowed me to make my own choices .”Madam Amaka starred piercingly at the ceiling fan with her eyes glued to it. She clinched tighter to the blankets and dragged it up to her chest. She looked like one who had remembered something and turned to look at me. “Wale. I was a desperate, angry and lonely woman who craved affection. I loved you Wale. I loved you like a son. I was a sexually starved woman as at that time. I was broken in heart as well. I could not control my sexual feelings. Yes you are right.
There were other men out there. But I did not need any more man in my life. My late husband Tunde made me hate men.”“But why? What did he ever do to you?” I asked inquisitively. “What? Tell me.