TOPE’S HEART TALE 💌
By Amah’s Heart.
Two weeks before I will leave, I just finished bathing him and was dressing him up when the mum came to carry him to her shop.
I Thought it was the normal thing she used to do that she will bring him when he cries for food.
I waited till 12pm when I heard him crying so loudly then I went to her shop to carry him myself.
She sent me away saying when I have decided to leave him behind, will I come to breastfeed him from school.
I cried and begged her to let me at least feed him but she pushed me away and people were looking at me and could not come close because they know who she was.
I left there and went back to the house. I cried until I could not cry again.
At that time I thought of running away with my child but to where? No work, no source of income. But then, I want to go back to school and make something out of myself. Because I could not even afford to eat not to talk of buying stuffs for my child or for my self.
Eventually, they brought him back in the evening around 6pm. I fed him, bath him and we slept.
They continue the act for the remaining weeks. When they come to pick him like that, I will sit and think of the past with my boyfriend and all the promises he made when everything was still rosy.
I regretted so many things. I regretted telling him about my past, I regretted loving him despite all warnings, I regretted not walking out totally when he called it quit the first time. There and then, I decided I was going to leave.
Feb 14th of that year, was the day I was to leave.
I woke up early to bath him and prepare.
I was still bathing him when the father came in, hurrying me to be fast with whatever I have to do because he has come to take him. I finished bathing him and was about to breastfeed him when he took him from me that I should not feed him.
I begged him to let me feed my baby for the last time but he didn’t allow me.
My baby was crying, I was crying. It was as if the little boy knows that I was leaving.
I finally left. But with a heavy heart.
I went back to school to resume and I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
My mind was on my child, I long for his face and to hold him again. I hear his cry even in my sleep. I couldn’t stand it.
I traveled back to go and see him after a week but I was not allowed.
I was told he has not forgotten breast and my face. they said my breast milk would have been contaminated since I didn’t feed him for a week.
I begged just to see him. I didn’t Just come to breastfeed him only, I wanted to hold my child but my so to be mother in law would not agree.
She pushed me out of the way and told me to come back after three months that he would have forgotten me by then.
I left and came back everyday for one week, still I was not allowed to see him.
I was threatened to be arrested. And then people from the area started telling me to leave him that the child will get to know his mother eventually.
I went back to school and still came back after the three months but it was still the same. I became frustrated.
My mum started calling on people to go meet them to talk to them to allow me see my child. My mum even went herself, she was insulted and was not allowed to see the boy either. It continued like that for a long time.
Then my elder brothers stopped me from going there again.
They said I should face my studies and don’t allow myself to be distracted.
even my Dad was after me completing school.
My family gave me their support to make sure I concentrate in my studies so I can make something meaningful out of my life so that my boyfriend and his mother won’t have an upper hand against me in the future.
I agreed and left for school but my mind was still there, I will call my boyfriend on many occasions, he would insult me before ending the call.
It got to a point I stopped doing that and faced school squarely, I wanted to become a better person.
I didn’t even have time to date anybody. I was single for along time.
My brothers advised me that if I see a reasonable guy interested in me I should open up my heart to love and try again.
I promise myself I will try to love again but this time around I will have to be careful with whoever I love.
I try to occupy my mind with studies because anytime I think of my child and how I was not allowed to see him anymore, it breaks my heart.
A year has gone by and I know my baby must have gotten used to them.
He may not even recognize me anymore.
I was doing well in my studies, I channelled all my anger and pain into becoming a better person so that I will get to claim back my son someday.