Matured Stories

The Church Accountant – Episode 9


I woke up the following morning on the bed unclad with Iyoaye beside me. I felt a throb of pain at my head and I struggled to get up. When I stood up, Iyoaye woke up
Sis Iyoaye: Collins good morning.
Me: (respect no dey again) good morning Iyoaye. How was your night? And how did I get to the bed?
Iyoaye: I dragged you to the matrass so that you could be able to sleep. But, the way you crashed, it’s like as if you have gone on a sex spree yesterday afternoon with Dcns Emeka
Me: are you for real?
Iyoaye: Don’t you think I always see her when she looks at you seductively in the church? Even yesterday when she was looking at you she was stylishly rubbing her chest
Me: Hian! Iyo of gbogbo Aye! How do you think it will be possible for me to be fcuking a married woman? Even in the church? I am disappointed in you. Even…..
Iyoaye: (cuts in) Noooo. Don’t get me wrong o. I am not saying that you shouldn’t relate with her but I’m a jealous woman who doesn’t like to her man with any woman.
Me: like Bro. Tunji?
Iyoaye: No. you suppose to have said Bro Mattkelly (hisses)
We were eating breakfast when the Head Pastor called me. He said that he declares Monday as work free day for us. But I should ensure that my phone is ON.
After the call, I held Iyoaye waist and looking at her, I saw the passion burning like a fire in her eyes. As I was about kissing her she said:
Iyoaye: Collins, will you promise me something?
Me: if it is what I can do, I will if not………..but I will try
Iyoaye: Promise me that you wont betray me?
Me: Iyoaye, I am a complicated person. I wont promise you yes but I will try.
Iyoaye: so do you just want to use me and dump me?
Me: No Iyoaye. Ti mba so wipe adegunleni, ti mo si so wipe adeogunlola nko, ki lo nfeki n se? (If I say yes today and I later reverted tomorrow to say no, what will you do?) it is better let us be fcukmates or FWB
Iyoaye: what is the meaning of FWB?
Me: Friends with bnefits.
After a while she said
Iyoaye: ok I have heard you.
We started kissing and I used one of my hands to rub her Weapon of Mass Defence while the other hand was squeezing her Weapon of Mass Destruction. She was using one of her hands to hold and squeeze my OPA – MOSE while she was using the other hand to rub my head. She went straight down to my OPA – MOSE and began to s–k it. It was as if I used morphine to deaden the pain in my head. We fcuked twice before she left for her house. As soon as she left, I dialed Dcns Emeka’s number
Dcns Emeka: Accountant, na wa for you. You forgot me since….
Me: (Kisses her on the phone) sorry dear, I almost forgot to call you.
Dcns Emeka: o ti de level yen abi? Mo to bi e lomo Accountant (has it gotten to that level? I am old enough to be your mum, Accountant)
Me: (laughed) yes you are old enough to be my mum and young enough to s–k my OPA – MOSE
Dcns Emeka: (purred) yessss. Accountant, I missed “SHORT MAN DEVIL”
Me: (stroking my OPA – MOSE) yes it is missing you.
Dcns Emeka: will you be chanced today?
Me: Nooo. I am dead tired.
Dcns Emeka: why wont you be tired? Anyway how about your sister?
Me: oh! She had left this morning. Dcns, can we talk later.
Dcns Emeka: ok love.
Me: ok ma. Talk to you later.
After she ended the call I was pondering;
Why did Iyoaye talked about Dcns Emeka like that?
Why is Iyoaye desperate in hooking me?
Why? Why? Why?

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(After few months)
The project has commenced and Dcns Emeka and I did not have the opportunity to see frequently. But anytime she comes to my office, she doesn’t leave without us kissing each other. With Iyoaye, I decided to give her some space so that the feelings she has for me will die down. Then on one fateful day the Head Pastor summoned me to his office and after I sat down,
Head Pastor: Accountant, I have observed that you have not introduced any lady to us that you want to marry. Are you GAY or are you castrated?
Me: no sir. It is just that. Gbogboawon sister ninu church wa yii n’onsako (every sister in this church are forming big girls)
Head Pastor: what about Sis. Iyoaye?
Me: (lol) no……
Head Pastor: That’s by the way. We are having a new Associate Pastor. His name is Pastor Onihaxy and he is resuming tomorrow. He will be using the office beside the bookshop.
Me: it is okay sir.
Head Pastor: have you prepared the documentation for the release of the second stage of payment for Dcns Emeka
Me: yes sir. I will bring it to your office asap.
The following day came and as I came to the office, I saw pastor Onihaxy and Sis Iyoaye talking with each other and Sis Iyoaye was laughing. After the devotion, the Head Pastor introduced him to us and we in turns introduced each other.

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I observed when Pst. Onihaxy resumed that he will spend time with Iyoaye in the bookshop and sometimes they leave the office together. Then one day I called Iyoaye over the intercom
Me: Hello. Please see me in my office
Sis. Iyoaye: why do you want to see me Mr.?
As I was trying to explain the reasons why she should come, she ended the call. Two hours later she came and stood by the door:
Sis. Iyoaye: Mr. Accountant, why do you want to see me?
Me: Come in and sit down pleaseeee (I winked at her)
Sis. Iyoaye: Mr. I don’t have time to waste. Say whatever you want to say.
I was angry but kept my cool
Me: well get ready for Stock Audit tomorrow.
She left angrily from my office
The following day, I resumed early in the bookshop. When I was there, I also observed that Pst. Onihaxy too was with us. Though, it was he and Sis. Iyoaye were together. When we got to the foreign books section, I observed that Pst. Onihaxy was stylishly smooching her Weapon of Mass Destruction. I called her for some observation
Me: Sis. Iyoaye, in your records you registered 20 books but physically it is 34 books. Can you explain please?
Sis. Iyoaye: (started fidgeting) erm……Accountant I can explain…..erm…..erm….
I kept quiet and noted it in my draft report. After the stock taking, I left for my office. I worked all through the day. But around 7pm that night – in the office……

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