Matured Stories

The Church Accountant – Episode 10

When I got to office the following morning, I tidied my entire desk and reconciled all accounts respectively. But around 10am I was hearing some scuffle and noise outside. When I got outside, I saw the Head Pastor and Pst. Onihaxy arguing and shouting at each other. We tried to settle the rift and I later discovered that Pst. Onihaxy was flirting with three sisters in the choir. I left them honourably and returned back into my office. At around 1pm, the receptionist informed me that Aisha was around. As soon as she entered, I called the receptionist that I don’t want disturbance from anybody. I locked up my office and the following dialogue ensued
Aisha: Short Man Devil, how are you?
Me: I am good, and you? (I was moving closer to her)
Aisha: Collins, please I don’t want us to do this today. When I got home the last time, my husband was back from UK and when we were at the stadium I mistakenly mentioned your name
Me: (laughing uncontrollably) so short man devil is so strong like that?
Aisha: it is just that I had to convince him very hard that I was not dating anybody.
I went to where she sat, blew some air to her ears, she threw her head backwards and I started smooching her Weapons of Mass Defence. I said to her ears
Me: do you need the short man devil NOW?
Aisha: (quietly) yesssssss….. I need him real baaaddd…..
I gently removed her shirt and unhooked her bra when I was about s—–g, a call came into my phone
Aisha: please ignore it
I saw the screen and it was Head Pastor!

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I received his call and after he had given me some directives, I ended his call
Aisha: please switch off your phone. Like a zombie, I switched it off. I started s—–g her Weapons of Mass Defence while she was massaging my OPA _ MOSE. Then as I went down to s–k her holiest, I discovered that she was “PADDED”. Chei market don spoil today. When she knew I discovered, she placed my OPA-MOSE to her mouth and s—-d me until I exploded into her mouth, and she swallowed it all and clean me thoroughly,
Aisha: I’m sorry it started some hours ago..
Me: Don’t worry.
I stylishly sprayed air freshener into the office to kill the odour. As soon as she left, Iyoaye came into my office.
Iyoaye: hope you had a nice time with her?
Me: as how Iyo?
Iyoaye: I was at the back of your window when she came in and I overheard all what you people said……listen Accountant, today I will expose you.
Me: please Iyoaye. There is absolutely nothing going on between me and her
Iyoaye: You are a liar Accountant. I recorded all what transpired so leave me alone you dog!!!
As she was about leaving, I held her but when she turned to me I saw a face that blood was dripping and she had the teeth of vampires and as soon as she wanted to open it to bite me…… I woke up with a start……
Aisha: you have slept for over 20minutes. O n sun bi efon (you are sleeping like a mosquito)
Me: I didn’t know when I fell asleep.
Aisha: I’m about going. I just wanna check on you.
Me: Thanks.
Aisha stood up where she sat and came to my place and gave me a kiss and squeezed my OPA-MOSE. I returned by squeezing her Weapons of Mass Defence. We broke up and straightened up. I escorted her outside only to see Iyoaye face red with anger. As soon as I returned, Iyoaye came into my office
Iyoaye: what did that s1ut came to do?
Me: excuse me?
Iyoaye: you heard me correctly. What did that s1ut came to do in your office?
I was boiling inside but I had to keep my calm. When I was about to respond, Pst. Onihaxy came into my office
Pst. Onihaxy: Accountant, what about the consumables that you ought to have bought?
Me: I haven’t bought them
Pst. Onihaxy: so, when do you want to buy it?
Me: when I have the time
Pst. Onihaxy: ok. But I want to ask for a small loan
Me: Kudi/Ego/Owo is not available
Pst. Onihaxy: what do you mean by that? I need it and I need it now!
Me: sorry Pastor. I can’t.
Pst. Onihaxy: do you realize you are talking to me?
Me: yes of course.
He left in annoyance and I ordered Iyoaye out of my office. After a while, I went to the bookshop but before I got there, I overheard the conversation going on in Pst. Onihaxy office
Pst. Onihaxy: that your accountant is too pompous
Iyoaye: that is not his nature; he is a gentleman to the core
Pst. Onihaxy: wetin? He don dey sexvice you?
Iyoaye: pastor! You are taking it too far! Iru oro yen ko gbodo ti enu yin jade (it is too costly for you to say such words sir)
Pst. Onihaxy: I told you to decamp to our party and let us take good care of you….
Iyoaye: (sneered) hmm. Pasito wey dey ask for loan dey tell me say make I decamp
Both of them fell into laughter and I tiptoed back to office.

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