‘I have cheated on my wife’
I would feel terrible if she did this with another man.
And I didn’t just have sex with just any woman….but her best friend.
I had used a condom so she wouldn’t pin me down with a child, I’ve watched so many soap operas with Abby to understand that shit.
Condom or not…it wouldn’t matter to Abby.
We’re so getting a divorce if she finds out about this.
When I get home,she still awake,I don’t bother to talk to her because I know that she’s angry because I’m home late.
I took off my clothes and had a shower… I’m so disgusted with myself right now.
I actually thought with the way Clara had tempted me to the core…I thought sex with her would be great but I just feel numb…all the while thinking about having sex with Abby.
And after everything,I realized that it isn’t Abby and then guilt settles in.
I wonder if my friends felt this kind of guilt… because this guilt is making me want to hide into a shell from everyone….this guilt is making me feel broken…this guilt is too much for me to handle and I feel so ashamed.
That night, I’m unable to sleep.
I just stared at Abby sleeping so beautifully.
Would she still be the mother of my kids?
Would we still ride through Parenthood together?
Would we still grow old together?
I know Clara promised to keep this a secret but truth always have a way of unveiling itself and that truth would kill me.
By morning,when she wakes up, she’s surprised to see me sitting up in bed and staring at her.
She slowly sat up.
I moved closer to her and hugged her.
As usual,she tries to pull away but I don’t let her…. She sees that I’m not letting her go so she slowly relaxes against me.
Something tells me that I have limited time with her.
There’s no way I’m telling her the truth myself now.But I know one day, she’ll get to know and she’ll leave me.
“I’m sorry if I have failed you…. I have always wanted to make you smile.I have always wanted to protect you and love you and share my life with you.
Can you still remember the first time we met? I bet you can’t because I didn’t have the guts to approach you,you were so beautiful, and I always felt so happy just staring at you.Since meeting you,I found purpose in life.Even if I want to stop loving you, it’s impossible. I love you,Abby.Even if you hear anything bad about me. I want you to remember that I love you,I love you so much”,
My eyes watered.
I felt so depressed.