So I went there and I bought what I wanted to eat, I bought my food like I was being paid to spend money on food. After getting my food, I turned around to look for where I would sit to eat, my eyes met with someone and the person was looking at me like “come and sit with us”, who did I see? Oya Guess who I saw, I know instead of you people to guess you will ask who, you Bloody Nigerians.
It was Elliot I saw eating with his girlfriend, my ex and Lola’s friend, Vanessa. With the way he was looking at me I knew he wanted me to come and sit with them, so I just carried my food and went to sit with them. Vanessa looked back; I knew Elliot must have told her I was coming to sit with them because Vanessa looked back and she was looking at me like, “what is this one looking for here again?” but really, sitting there will be somehow you know?
I went to their table to sit with them, “Nigga, are you sure you can finish this food as skinny as you are?” That’s what the ode (Elliot) said to me when he saw how much food I had bought. I told him I would finish it and that I have not eaten in a while. Vanessa took that opportunity to throw a blatant shot at me, she said “so you now want to eat the whole world because you have not eaten in a while?”
Vanessa and her boyfriend fired shots at me like I was an armed robber facing the firing squad but what will a Nigga do? Let me troll along with their jokes or whatever, “so both of you are now attacking me abi? Because my own girlfriend is not here” I said that referring to Lola as my girfriend. As Vanessa heard I referred to Lola as my girlfriend she frowned a little bit but I didn’t care, I kept talking; “Let me even call my girlfriend to come meet us here sef, sheybi you people think you can abuse very well, let my Lola come.” I dropped my spoon and picked up my phone like I was trying to call Lola.
As Elliot saw I wanted to call Lola he said, “Just don’t waste your airtime bro, she must have gotten to her Big Momma’s house already” (Lola’s big Momma is Mrs. Williams). Elliot now wanted to be giving me gist that his Mom is Lola’s big Momma, gist I already heard from his Mom that morning, I was just looking at him, I wish I could just tell him “yeah I know, your Mom told me already this morning,” but I can’t, let me just keep listening to him and be pretending like I know nothing about what he was talking about.
“Oh yeah I forgot, she told me this morning”
at the back of my own mind I was referring to his Mom, but he thought I was referring to his Cousin. “Let me just eat my food, but the two of you should stop looking at me like a glutton o, I only eat occasionally”
“Yeah right” Vanessa said. “But when you eat, you eat real good” she added, as she said this she was doing the under table leg romancing bullshit with me, you know it? She was using her leg to caress mine, she quickly winked at me as Elliot looked away, I knew the kind of “Eat” she was saying at that moment, I am sure you know it too and if you don’t you are in the dark like Elliot too.
Vanessa wouldn’t stop; I was beginning to feel somehow, my Abraham’s rod was beginning to remember when it used to make water spring forth from Vanessa’s dry land.
Elliot was there, my Nigga was just eating, he would eat small and stare at Vanessa then smile like someone that his destiny was kept in Vanessa’s honey pot. I was just looking at him, I really don’t wanna be him, it was going down under the table he was eating and he knows nothing about it.
I didn’t enjoy my food like I wanted to, that Vanessa girl wouldn’t let a Nigga eat in peace. I won’t lie to you guys, I miss that girl too you know. I should probably find time for her maybe we could have some good times like we used to. Readers, how far? Should I find time to see Vanessa again? LOL I know what you all want.
“I am going to my hostel nitemi o, since you don’t want to finish eating this small food since morning” I said to them after eating my food and they were still eating the small food in front of them like they both had sore throats.
“Ok Bro, what is your room number, I will come check you when I am back to the hostel” he said. I told him a wrong room number. Why did I tell him a wrong room number? I knew Elliot wants us to be rolling together, he probably wants us to be friends but that wouldn’t be nice as he will be quick to find out what is really going on between Lola, Vanessa and I, he might even find out about his Mom.ll
“Sheybi na room 208 you dey” I told him, remember I asked for his room number last night? He said yeah and I told him no problem that we will meet in the hostel later in the day, “Mama, take care of you ok?” I stood up and I left them there.
I was so filled and tired, the walk back to my hostel was tiring, I was so sleepy that I was sleep walking, you know sometimes you eat too much and immediately after the food you just want to sleep, sleep was so much on my mind, all I was picturing was the sweet nap I was going to have that afternoon.
Finally, I got to my hostel and of course I went to bed straight up. I had a sweet and uninterrupted nap. I checked my phone when I woke up, checked to see my messages and all.
I was too tired to get up so I still spent more time just lying in bed, Solomon called to ask if my parents noticed anything back at home and I told him nothing so far because they have not called me.
After Solomon’s call I decided to call my mom, I told her I wouldn’t be able to come home that weekend because I have loads of assignments to do, I also asked her if everything was alright at home, she then said “why is the house so clean, when did you clean everywhere?” hehe the house was so clean, maybe My Niggas and I should just take up housecleaning as jobs since we could clean and clear the whole place in about an hour and half and no traces was left that my parents didn’t even notice a loud and wild party went down there the previous night.
Finally, I got up from bed to ease myself.
Getting back I saw that I had a missed call and it was from Lola, she should be at Mrs. Williams place na, why is she calling me again? abi I don cast ni? Abi she found out about Mrs. Williams and me? That is not possible abeg.
What is going on? Why did she call? Let me just call her back. She called again just when I was about to dial her number, “Baby” that is all I said when I picked her call. “You ehn” she said mildly so I knew all was well, it was not what I was thinking.
“Baby which one is ‘you ehn’, what did I do again?” I asked her.
“Be asking me what you did there o, you cannot call someone abi?” I can’t recall ever calling her; I have never called her before.
Since we exchanged numbers, her number has just been there on my phone, I haven’t had a reason to call her, so when she said that to me I was just wondering, why would she be expecting my call?
“I wanted to call you jor, but Elliot told me you were at your Big Momma’s place, are you back?” I was just playing along; the reason why she would be expecting my call is still unknown to me. She told me she was still at Mrs. Williams place and I said okay.
“Where are you now? Are you busy?” She asked me. I told her I was in my hostel and that I was not doing anything, she then asked if she could come see me, since I already told her I was not doing anything I told her she could come.
“I will call you when I am outside your hostel, sheybi you are in Biobaku hostel” she asked me. Of course Biobaku is my hostel, no other hostel is surer on Campus. I told her yes and that I will be expecting her.
I got up from bed to get ready for the Queen soon cometh, Lola is the queen you know? Had to shower and all, I didn’t understand the reason for her coming I was just waiting till I see her, but come to think of it, why do you think Lola wants to come to my hostel? We will all know when she comes now sha but now let me go and clean up.
I went to shower, guess what was running through my mind when I was in the bathroom?
Y’all know it’s been a while since I had some good time and when I say good time I mean some good knack. Lola was the last girl I went down with and we didn’t even finish it because it was interrupted by her roommate, my dream is not yet fulfilled.
What exactly is my dream, oh God! My dream, yeah my dream is to do Bingo style with Lola, yeah Doggie, giving her back shots might just be a life time experience, I really want to operate her Idi Araba like I’m a Medilag student, but I have so many things going on, I have her Aunty to think about, her friend, Vanessa, I just have to be careful with all these people before they F**K up my life and I get suicidal like Tiwa Savage’s husband.
I know what Mrs. Williams want from me, I know what Lola wants from me, just random hook ups and little more of the experience Vanessa had with me, I think. I should talk to that Lola girl sef, we should both know what we want from each other, me I want doggie and that is all, after the doggie we should not meet again, let her come first sha.
I spent more time in the bathroom, cleaning up was rigorous that afternoon, as I was cleaning up I was also cleaning down, Lola and I might be going down later in the evening or some ‘an eye for an eye’ stunt might occur (substitute an eye for a head, some of you won’t understand because you are not good in maths), but I knew that was not going to happen in my hostel, if you know UNILAG hostels very well you will know such doesn’t happen in our hostels.
“What will I wear now?” I thought to myself when I stepped out of the shower, let me just wear my ‘Who You Epp’ teez made by gAgAklotinz that I just bought, you can also cop yours, check him out on Instagram @gAgAklotinz and order yours, it’s dope, believe me.
I dressed up and I was waiting for Lola to call me, it was taking her forever to call me. “I been dey think say you wan go out before ni” said Dammy Fresh, one of my roommates. I told him I was waiting for the person to call me.
Let me just call her to know wassup jare, I have little patience to be waiting like I’m a medical patient. I called her and she didn’t pick so I kept on looking like a lizard. You know that feeling when you are all dressed up, ready to step out and slay, me I was ready to slay with the shirt I just bought; because I couldn’t wait, I dialed her number again and this time she picked.
“Hello, Hello… I am driving. Let me call you back, I’m almost in school sef” she said that like as she was talking she was eating hot yam, so fast I could barely hear her. Nothing spoil sha, she communicated because I could hear her. So I went back to waiting like I work in a restaurant, Mr. Waiter.
Thirty minutes later I was still waiting, “oh maybe she is not coming anymore” just after that thought she called, “oya come downstairs now, I’m downstairs”. Because I have been waiting for too long I got up straightaway.
Getting downstairs, I saw what I was not expecting, “oh God! This is not happening!”
what can I do? Let me call Lola and pretend like I didn’t know what was going on. What was going on?
When I got downstairs I saw that Mrs. Williams’s car was parked, I already knew Lola was in the car but I had to pretend like I have not seen her, how did she end up driving Mrs. Williams’s car? Mrs. Williams is like a Mom to her, I agree but I didn’t know they were that cool that she could drive her car.
“Hello Lola, sheybi you said you are downstairs I can’t see you na” I said to her when I called her. The car was in front of me, I could see the car, I could see inside, I could see Lola, I could see Lola see me but I still had to put up that act, I just wanted it to be known to her that I have not seen that car before or I know why she would be in the car.
She decided to alight and show me she was in the car, she was showing off, trying to impress a Nigga. I am sure she brought the car to show me that her head is there too, to show me that she sef get class but I was in the same car with the real owner earlier that day, so all those showing off didn’t matter to me, all on my own mind was how to play safe with everybody.
We were not far from each other, she could hear me talk so I said “there you are” and I walked up to her to hug her. “wassup? You looking good sweetie, where are you coming from” I asked her.
“I just dropped my Aunty off at the salon and I will be going to pick her when she is done, just thought we could hang out before she is done at the salon, I would be the only at home and I don’t want to be bored, why don’t you get inside the car, it’s too hot out here” she said to
We entered the car and she was just looking at me for the first very few moments, I was looking at her too, she was really looking good that afternoon, you remember I told you she has a fat butt0ckz, as she was sitting down in the car her body was mad, as she was sitting you would know she was sitting on some crazy booty.
“Your shirt is nice o” she said, “your dress is nice too” I said to her then I winked at her, I was just trying to be cool but she thought I was forming s*xy** for her. “See don’t even come and start winking at me here, you will be forming s*xy** for someone; do you want my mind to wander?” she smiled flirtatiously and then she winked back.
“Baby you can let your mind wander, it is allowed” at this point we were already flirting and the way it was going it was looking like we were going to knack that evening, are we going to really knack and if we knack, are we going to do doggie? Is my dream going to come true?
After much flirting she said, “Why don’t you let us go to my Auntie’s place? Now that she is at the Salon I would be the only one at home, we could go to her place and you will love it there”
This na temptation abeg, with a little confusion and a lot of infatuation. My dear readers, Lola just told me to follow her to Mrs. Williams’s house. She was going to drive me to Mrs. Williams’s house in Mrs. Williams’s car, the same car I drove earlier that morning and Lola knew nothing about.
Should I decline?? If you were me would you decline or nah? I didn’t say No o, since she said nobody would be home and she also said that she would be the one to go pick her from salon, that means there is no way she was going to come and meet me there, it is safe to go, really it is safe, let me just do it like Nike.
I told her we could go and we went, I knew Lola just started driving with the way she was driving, I then understood why she talked so fast when I called her while she was driving.
You know remember when you just started driving? It was hard to do other things while driving, she wasn’t even really talking to me, she was so focused on the road and she wasn’t even holding the steering, she was hugging it.
I didn’t disturb her, just little chit chat till we got to Mr. & Mrs. Williams’s house, there was a man at the gate that opened the door for us; the man at the gate is the gateman for those that don’t know.
“Oh my good God, is Mr. Williams a drug dealer? How is his house this beautiful?” that is what I said in my thoughts when I saw the building, Lola must have seen on my face that I was impressed, she has been to my house, she knows my house is nothing. Besides, the Lola babe continued to show off. She told me her Uncle, Mr. Williams had a lot of cars. “This car is my Aunties smallest car” she also bragged.
I teased her about having rich people all around her, that is how she started gisting me about all her family, she bragged about how rich they all are, but that entire gist was not doing me. You know what was doing me? The smart ones know what was doing me already.
As we were going inside she was feeding me with gist; as she was feeding me with the gist she was also showing things in the house. I will not lie to you, Mrs. Williams lives in a paradise and Elliot is just one lucky child.
We were sitting in one big sitting room before Lola asked for what I would love to eat or drink, I knew they will have wine in the house so I just requested for a red wine. Let me sef drink some exotic wine, I don’t know when I will have the kind of opportunity again.