You know before I left home, my Niggas were watching the tape, guess what Niggas were doing when I got back home? They were watching the tape over and over again; none of them was cleaning or trying to clear the house.
They were all chilling, watching their last night’s escapades. PrinceEasy was back too, he was just there chilling, seated like the “King of the New Street.” Oh well he is, I mean I know how long he been pursuing Sandra.
When I saw him seated like one king, I just tapped his head from behind, “why you come dey sit like that, you pose like a boss, you dey watch TV like say na you be Man of the Hour”, he looked at me and smiled, it was a smile of victory. He said, “I never even see my own part sef, na Sandra I carry go school since morning, e never tey wey I come back they come tell me say them record am, omo I happy die, because as I dey give am that yesterday, I just they wish say person dey record am.”
I hailed him, “PrinceEasy my Nigga!” Quick Question for y’all readers, now that PrinceEasy has colonized Sandra’s territory, does that mean that Sandra has gone back to her old ways or that she is backsliding?
Not like Sandra has changed her ways, not like she has stopped being a church babe, but you know some guys won’t just give up till they get what they want and by the way, PrinceEasy is a stubborn Yoruba boy; he wouldn’t stop till he gets what he wants.
Guys you know something ehn, shey you know that if a Woman’s juicebox is the gateway to heaven, Yoruba Boys are going to dominate heaven, am I right or wrong? Apart from that, Yoruba Boys understand that “Persistence overcomes resistance,” and that is one major key (major key alert y’all) you need to hold on to when you want to get any girl you want.
Sometimes, resistance could overcome persistence but not when you are dealing with a Yoruba Boy, Girls you know when you are dealing with a Yoruba Guy, the persistence vibe is a whole lot different. You tell a Yoruba Boy you have a boyfriend, he would ask if he could be your bestie. If you tell him you have a bestie, he would be coming from top to bottom like that till he says something like “if you have all these people in your life, I am sure you don’t have a personal house boy, let me be your personal houseboy, I will do all you want me to do for you, I will bath for you when you are too tired to do that, I will wash your pant and your bra.” He might even say something nastier, you know.
I sat down to continue watching the tape; my plan was after watching the tape, all of us are going to clean up the house. I and my niggas were chilling with the tape, catching trips.
While I was watching I was thinking about Mrs. Williams and what we discussed earlier. She wants to be happy again, she wants to live again; she wants me to be available for her.
Mrs. Williams has been with only one man all her life, kissed only one man before she met me, she must have missed out some fun when she was in her prime. I mean, there is a high probability that Mrs. Williams has not given blow job before. It is very possible her plate has not been licked before; it is likely her meat flap has not been eaten before.
Maybe we can blame my thoughts on the tape I was watching as my thoughts began to run wild. As I was watching Niggas eating their babes, I was also thinking of eating Mrs. Williams in the process of being available for her. I also imagined how her potorro would be, would it be an abyss (wild) or a soggy box (tight)? I mean, she gave birth to Elliot, if it is wild, it is understandable yeah? I have never being in the pink canoe of a Mother before so I don’t know how it is in there or how it feels riding in it.
We all know what Mrs. Williams wants, she wants to live again and she wants to be happy again, I am sure if I put my magical tongue in her cave of wonders she would definitely come back to life and she would be happy when I make juice spring forth from her cave of wonders but happiness is not all about that. She needs me to be a good listener like I’ve been, she needs me to sooth her, to make her feel loved and wanted; I am good at doing those.
I was getting excited as I was thinking about all these things, I was feeling like the relationship between Mrs. Williams and I is going be a great one for the both of us, but will it be? How is the end going to be? We are getting to the end!
“Na PrinceEasy dey enter after this guy”
King Solomon said, just before my phone rang; has Mrs. Williams gotten home? I thought she was the one that was calling me so i quickly picked up my phone and when I saw who was calling me I told everybody to be quiet and pause the tape. Who was calling me? Can you guess?
My Dad was calling me, he hardly calls me. As I saw his call my heart began to malfunction, my heart was not beating anymore, it was cutting, I began to feel like I had the AUX cable plugged to my heart, all my Niggas knew something was up as they were all asking who was calling me, I told them my Dad. Ghen-Ghen?
Why is my Dad calling me please? Has someone called him to tell him all I did in his house, please readers, shey I am not dead like this? I have to be a man you know? Let me pick up first.
“Hello” it was my Mom that was on the other end, “Hello Love, where are you?” Where am I? Quickly I answered her, “I am in school
maami, what is going on? How are you?” She asked me if I went home for weekend and I told her I didn’t go because they were not around.
“We are almost in Lagos; we just passed the Redeem Camp. I will call you when we get home, will you come?” I am finished; the house was still in a complete mess, I can’t finish cleaning before they get home, how am I going to do it?
As she was dropping the call I told my Niggas what was going on, I told them we have about an hour and half to clean up and leave the house before my parents come, My Niggas won’t leave me alone to it so immediately we started clearing and cleaning the house, Division of Labour came back to life that Saturday.
We cleaned the whole house and we left for school. I didn’t want to wait for them at home in case they noticed something happened in the house, it will be better if they call me to come from school than for me to be there when they see these things. I might decide not to go home for a long time if anything happens and it will be hard for my Dad to come looking for me in school, so going to school is like running away, you dig?
“Ahh I’m dead, my Dad is calling me, maybe they have found out what went down while they were away!” That’s what I thought to myself when I saw my Dad calling me. I sensed my unease as I saw his call, really ehn we cleaned up the house but you know we might not clear all the evidences because we were rushing but wait first let me pick his call and hear what he wants to say.
“Hello My Son, we are just getting home now,
are you going to come later in the day, you should come home, I helped you bring some things from the village” My mom said, she used my Dad’s phone to call again. I told her I will come if I could. I can’t go to that house for now, I have to chill for like 3 days at least and make sure they don’t know about all my escapades while they were away.
My plan for that Saturday was to sleep in my room all day, I have not even slept very well but wait first I have not eaten. Where should I go and eat? Normally, I would just go downstairs to the woman that sells food in my hostel and eat like #200, but because I still have money with me; Mrs. Williams didn’t collect her change from the hotel you remember?
Let me just go and eat where they have nice and exotic food, where is that?