“I see it in your eyes Fey, you are slowly falling in love with that man and I swear I hate him. Remember what happened to that guy. What was his name again?” My reborn self spoke wagging her tail and raising his head at me .
The sight of her by another person would make them run for their life. But I guess i was now used to it. I had no way of calling it so I called it Feli. Well, partly cause I hated the sound of that part of my name and partly cause it had insisted it was part of me, whether I liked it or not it always reminded me of that fact and I gave up arguing out that fact .
” am not in love with anyone Feli, you have made it clear I ought not to love a man. You took away the man I had fallen in love with. He was a good man. Bright did not dersve to die like that, he had his whole life ahead of him, he was pursuing further studies and he was going to make a good judge some day” I cried memories of Bright coming to my mind.
After all that happened like I said earlier, my friends abandoned me. I felt so alone and could not get to tell my mother everything.
One day I sat outside my house lost in thoughts then I saw him, Bright parked his car outside our yard and walked towards me wearing a smile that somehow told me he liked me.
” Wow, I didn’t know you knew my place Bright. What are you doing here?” I asked him standing up from the veranda I had sat on.
” Well, I had to call your friend Pamela since my sister could not give me your address. I have no idea what happened to you guys but my sister seems unintrested in you” he sighed standing his hands deep in his pockets.
” Well, I guess everything comes to an end after all” i shrugged casually.
” so why the trouble of searching for my residency?” I chuckled
” I wanted to ask you out. I know you have completed your high school and it wouldn’t be a big deal asking you out right?” He asked with a tone of optimism I wondered where he got the impression I liked him. That very Moment I started liking him. Against the wishes of Feli I went on dating Bright.
He was an amazing person, funny and good looking. For months he helped me cop with having my reborn self around. Even though i never told him the truth he simply loved me even against his sister’s mission to stop us. The unfortunate part was Ritah could not get to tell her brother the entire truth behind her trying to stop him and given that, he took it as simple jeaslousy.
I was happy for a while till one day Feli told me since I insisted on seeing him she was going to take him away.
Well I thought she was joking, I mean she was a simple delicate snake with my beautiful face like mine, I never anticipated she was capable of harming anyone. That was my mistake, underestimating the power of something I even didn’t understand how it came into existence. I was called in morning by a very upset and crying Ritah .
” you daughter of the devil! You have succeeded in killing my brother, you will rot in hell Felicia, you hear me? you will rot in d–n hell !” She yelled in the phone I could hear her shake with anger.
” Ritah please can you tell me what’s going on and stop yelling” I spoke calmly. Holding the phone still to my ears fear of what I was to hear gripping my throat. Feli had told me that morning I will cry. I could feel it in me that something bad was going to happen to my Bright but I did not think it would be as worse as death.
” he’s dead you b—h you killed him . He was a good person he does not dersve this Felicia you should have left him alone. You should have.. you are a damned evil person you b—h and I hate you!” She screamed crying.
I had no words to respond to that. She was right after all. I was the cause of his death and it haunted me for a long time.
I was devasted, I cried all day and Feli since we shared some feelings, was sad too. She stayed closer to me the whole day as we burried ourselves in the blankets.
” forget him Fey, he’s gone and so will this one if you go on against my wish” came the voice of my reborn self wagging her tail at me bringing me back to the present.
” you will not kill anyone because am not in love with anyone” I looked at her face, more like Looking at myself.
” yeah, remember I can feel what you are feeling. That Daniels is into you since you went to that college. It’s been a month now and I hate you have failed to make him stay away like you do other men. ” she winced.
” please don’t do anything to Dan, please I beg you. He is innocent. He knew me from way back and we cannot blame him for liking me” I pleaded tears in my eyes.
” I do what you want every day. I give in to your demands, going out in the hot season wearing long skirts and sweaters cause you will not bear any cold. I have to take all the embarrassment out there while you are here comfortable. It’s not fair, it’s not. Look at me, I stay all alone in a room, cause I have to hide you from the world. What more do you want! ” i cried standing up.
” Well, I do not feel sorry for you Feli, I never asked to come, you made me, remember? Am you and there is no running away from yourself. One thing is for sure, you decide to go out in fashon clothes and In case i get cold here. The chances are that i will die and if I do so are you.” It pointed out clearly in my very own voice it actually sounded awkward I could never get used to it. It was like I was hearing my own echo.
I sunk back in bed defeated. Wishing I could find a way of having a normal 20 year old girl life. A normal boyfriend and some friends too. But no I was tied to my own mistake.
My solace and hiding place had become the church. I become a regular church gower and would spend my free time In church not really worshiping God because i could not get myself to do that, but I could not even understand why I did it. Maybe more because I wanted to hide my true self.
My phone beeped and I quickly snapped out of my thoughts and picked it.
” hey Fey am outside the building. Can I come up ?” Daniels asked.
” oh no no no… !” I yeelled panicking.
” am coming ok, let’s meet there” I quickly responded.
” mmmmm” was all Feli could do as I rushed out locking the door. I stayed in a room on a block. I had to move out my uncle’s place becuse Feli did not like my aunty with her prayers every night. She made sure I parked out and i don’t know how she did it but my uncle did not object my moving at all. He simply gave me the money I needed for rentals and I moved. She wanted a room for us alone so I got myself a room on the third floor of the flat.
I looked at him a few meters away from the door. My heart aching that i could not give him what he wished from me.
” you lost your chance when you kicked that guy out of your life Felicia” I heard my inner voice scold me and I sighed deeply lifting my skirt and stepping forward towards him as I went down the stairs.
” um am.. hi” i murmured
” hi you.. what’s going on? You never allow me to your room” Daniels smiled
” am sorry just that I don’t want people to have a wrong impression of us. ” I lied rubbing my fingers.
” Well you promised me this afternoon I would take you out so here I am and please Fey do not say no.. ” he looked at me.
” Am not sure about this Daniels, I have something to do but maybe next time” i quickly told him not wanting to get too comfortable with him. I felt it was better to let him down than for him to be killed.
To be continued…