I sobbed silently trembling with fear. I recalled the Pastor telling me that I ought not be afraid. He had encouraged me to continue praying even when I felt fear so that God would give me the strength to face my fears. I knew at that moment I needed God’s intervaton more than ever.
Felicia was quiet I could see indecision in her even when she was trying so hard not to show it. Time and again as she spoke her voice gave away the fear she was feeling too.
” so, what are you going to do?” I finally found my voice asking her. She didn’t look at me.
“I still like you Pamela, no” she smiled.
” I care so much about you. I know I have not been the friend you expected, but I loved you as my best friend even before all this happened, we come a long way and you are the only person that knows everything, well at least almost everything about me. ” she explained leaning her head back at the wall and placing the hand bag she had on her laps.
” yea, those days were funny, we had a share of good times before all the bad came you know” I nodded my head too relaxing a bit as I saw her smile the light shinning her white teeth.
” you are right, we used to have funny. Remember the times at shopping malls , those outings for Icecream, the clothes, the parties” she listed them and laughed slightly.
” how can I forget such? ” I shrughed.
” you almost ripped that innocent man naked at Debonairs the time we came here in Lusaka all the way from Kafue to have funny” I laughed remembering the one time a clumsy guy spilled drink on her pink dress. She had shouted at the man and we all joined scolding him like a child. The man had ended up buying her another dress from Mr Price.
” yeah, imagine that poor man, he had the worst day of his life. He deserved it for being clumsy though” She laughed and I joined her as we recalled the past times.
I watched her smile and laugh and I could see my old friend again for a moment.
“We ccould have never gone to that man in Chilanga. If only we were content with what we had, imagine what great funny we could have had all these years” I remarked at last and we both sighed sadly.
“Am sorry, I have never said this before Pamela, but am trully sorry I broke us apart. I made you two go through hell and one day I hope you and Ritah will forgive me for leading you both into darkness. ” she frowned her cold thoughtful self back into play she even looked older that she was.
” I never thought I am angry with you Fey” I told her looking at her.
“Yeah the fact that you never considered thinking about me, yet you know I was at fault speaks volumes of how much you hurt inside cause of that past. I know about being religious and deliverance thing Pamela. I go to church every Sunday and I joined some church youth group too. One thing I can spot about you is that you are still lost. That man would have prayed for you and all but your delivrance wasnt complete till you rid yourself of the deep inner fears of the past. Forgive me and forgive yourself then you will be completely free” she advised me making me wonder why she had not used that in herself too.
” I know one thing for sure,” she continued more like answering my unasked question.
” I am the blame for most of your bad experiences. I pushed you and Ritah to follow my ways and I regret that too. Only that unlike the two of you, I live with the physical and spiritual evidence of my past mistakes. It’s hard,” she paused holding her head with both her hands.
The time she withdrew them her eyes were filled with tears I could see them shining with the bright lights surrounding us.
“How do I get to believe, when I live with that snake from a God forsaken hell? I never stay a minute free of thoughts of that thing. Except when am with Daniels” she giggled sadly.
” Stop being afraid Fey, go with me to see the man of God and you will be okay. Come on, you can do this, I can see you are afraid and there is a solution to this” I tried to encourage her and she for the first time looked at me with hope.
” are you sure this man can help me?” She asked
” am sure. Even though i still feel fear like you said sometimes, he helped me to get my self back. All I need is a commitment to God so that I over come my fear. You will be free and not die at all. ” I went on encouraging her.
We talked at length over the issue of us seeing the man of God.
Without hesitation, I called the man of God immediately she agreed to go with me and fortunate enough he asnwered the call despite it being late.
” I have a friend with me at my house pastor, we both need your help this very night, it’s quiet serious ” I told him over the phone.
” take heart, God is in control. Just come over to my house both of you and tell me everything. We will pray over your situation and all shall be well” the Pastor responded.
” well its done, we have to go there now” I told Fey standing up.
” he has agreed to see us this late?” She asked standing up too.
” yeah, let me just get my purse inside. We will get a cab from the road side” i told her and she nodded in response looking down at her phone which was now ringing.
” great,please hurry, let me just hear why Dee is calling and am good to go” she indicated going a step away to answer the phone.
I returned a couple of minutes later and found her just hanging up the call.
“So?” I asked stepping down and closing the door behind me.
” he was just saying good night” she smiled.
“Oh I see, let me guess? You have not told him where we are going this late” I asked leading the way to the main road to get a taxi.
“Of course not, if all goes well I will tell him tommorow, besides I have no time right now to start telling him all this especailly on the phone.” Felicia shrugged folding her hands as she walked.
The Pastor’s house was in Garden township. We managed to catch a cab and all the way as the driver took us, we both remained silent.
I was trying to pray that all went well that night , that it would be the point of return for both of us.
” where do I turn from here?” The driver asked snapping me out of my thoughts
I cleared my throat before responding.
” turn left please. ” I spoke my own voice almost chocking me.
” it’s the house in a black gate on your right ” I indicated as we approached the Pastor’s house.
Felicia stepped out of the car silently and looked at the house in front of us.
” is this it?” she asked breathing out deeply.
” yeah it is. Everything will be okey Fey” I tried to assure her picking my phone from my purse to call the man of God.
” we are outside Pastor” I told him upon hearing his voice on the other end.
” He is coming, are you okey?” I asked Felicia as we waited for someone to come open the gate for us.
” I don’t know Pamela I really don’t know” she whispered and before I could respond the gate opened.