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Oh This My Husband – Season 1 Episode 8

ERRORLESS SPOUSE

That same day, my husband didn’t come home again.

I would have been bothered, but I was busy going for one program or the other to care.

He knows that though I hate his wicked habits, I still care. I can’t say I really love him.

The hurt and pain had killed the love that was there before. But as a human being, I still care for him.

He knows that what makes me mad most is his absence from home for days. So, he intentionally skipped coming home.

Naturally, I would have called him fifty times and sent him ten text messages or two hundred and thirty WhatsApp chats. But I was busy. I didn’t make one call. Neither did I send one message.

The old disciple’s meeting on Wednesday evening was wonderful. We had about twenty-five couples gather at a hall nearby.

Sister Hamet my landlady was also there. She was the one in charge of the new disciples.

She gave each of us a pen and blank sheets, she asked us to write the errors of our spouses. That the team will assist us to send it out to our partners.

I was happy. Finally, I can tell my husband what he is doing wrong. I asked for extra sheets. I know I have a lot to write.

I settled down to write and discovered that it was impossible to write anything about him because the pen was not working.

I looked at every other person within the group, we all have the same problem. The pen was broken. They have no ink.

We were set up. We were given papers with pen that had no ink.

Sister Hamet told us to keep writing with the inkless pen. That even an inkless pen will still make impression on the paper.

After we all agreed this was a fruitless effort. She gave us working pen and told us to write thirty things our partner does right and we should appreciate.

Just at that time, our drinks and meal were brought. We were told we can’t have the meal, or join the party, till we submit the list.

Ahhh, I don’t think my husband has up to five things he does well. How can I write thirty? A whole thirty….

It was like a punishment but I started thinking and subsequently started writing. That made me to start seeing my husband in a different light.

He is not a monster. All in all, he is a good man. He can be playful; he gives good massage. He can turn a very good food into an awful sacrifice because he loves experimenting with food.

He cares about people’s feeling and can act as your driver when you need one. He can sleep by your side or on the floor when one is hospitalized.

He is not a bad man after all.

I manage to write thirty points. I gave the points to sister Hamet and decided I needed to go home to see if by chance this lovely man can come home today.

He might have been evil but he also can be an angel.

I went home and cooked for him, but he didn’t come back home. I started getting worried.

Thursday till Saturday, he didn’t come home. But I can see him online chatting with friends and responding to posts in groups.

I was cleaning the house for the umpteenth time when he breezed in Saturday evening.

He took a long look at me, then went to his room. He came down with a packed bag.

He looked at me again and said “you are acting strange, only witches would change suddenly like that. You have gotten extra powers to fight me. It is when you see me that your power can work”.

Before I could reply him, he walked out and left.

I was devastated again…..

This continued for one month. He comes home on Saturday and disappears for all the week.

But I can be very stubborn. I have made up my mind, I will use love to conquer this man so I won’t give up.

Every Saturday I cook for him; I wear my s£xy cloths and ensure the house smells nice.

I can see that he notices the set up. But just being adamant and uncooperative.

After one month of this hide and seek game. I cried to Pastor.

I explained everything I am facing to him. I told him that I am getting tired.

He smiled and said my husband is suffering from AMS. “Acute Mislove Syndrome”.

So he would need three doses of lovaquine tablets daily and lovaphysiotherapy once every week due to distance….

What does all these jargons mean……

Did Pastor study medicine too?

OH THIS MY HUSBAND

Part 26

LOVE QUESTION

I asked Pastor, did you study medicine too?

He smiled and said let me continue my story about my own marriage. Then we would talk about the medicine.

Smiling, Pastor continued his story, have I told you I love stories? Yes oooo

Pastor said; I made the house look like a club house for my clubbing wife, she stayed at home for a week then went back into clubbing outside the house.

For three months I kept using all the methods I can think of, I even followed her to the club once but discovered I will only end up in hell with her.

I don’t have to break God’s law because I wanted to save my wife from breaking God’s law.

After three months of no luck, I went back to Baba Jay and told him that I was tired and fed up.

I have spent the last three months working on my wife and she hasn’t change. So, I am giving up.

Baba Jay laughed me to scorn for the way I spoke. If I didn’t respect him as an older man, I would have walked out on him.

Baba Jay told me bluntly. Your wife is not the reason why your tactics to get her failed. You are the reason you failed.

I felt offended, me!!!! Am I the one going clubbing or sleeping with other people, what is this man saying….?

Baba Jay continued….. You think you are saving your wife, no….. she is not the only one that destroyed the marriage. Both of you worked on it together to destroy your home.

Baba Jay was very blunt and honest with me that day.

Baba Jay said; Stop looking at your wife as the problem, you are also a problem in your marriage.

You guys had spent over four years together. In these four years you have both been selfish, you have both told lies, you have both worked very hard to destroy your marriage.

Can you swear before God that you never said anything wrong, you never made a mistake, you never hurt your partner, you never did something you knew your partner doesn’t like?

How can you expect four years of damage to heal within 3 months?

Pastor sighed… that was a very tough question for me to answer.

Pastor continued, at this point I asked Baba Jay, what can I do?

Baba Jay simply said,

“Go back and find reasons to love your wife again”. “Stop looking for errors, stop justifying yourself, stop deceiving yourself, JUST LOVE AND KEEP LOVING BECAUSE LOVE CONQUERS ALL”

So that day, I went back home and sat down to write hundred things my clubbing and fornicating wife had done for me that will make me love her. I was able to write forty-seven.

I also wrote down things I discovered in her that made me marry her, I wrote down seventeen.

I photocopied all these good points and placed it in my room. I laminated it and placed it in my bathroom. In the kitchen, in the hall.

I determined to love her again. I endured seven more months before my wife finally gave up clubbing and drinking totally.

Three months after she stopped clubbing, my wife gave her life to Jesus.

Today, I am glad that I loved her till I won her over. It’s over nine years now, I’m enjoying the fruit I painfully sowed for one year, one month.

Pastor stopped talking and gave me a serious stare…..

He asked me with all sincerity…

“Sister Joy”

“Yes Pastor ” I replied. “Do you love your husband enough?” He asked. Hmmmm

Can I lie to a Pastor?

OH THIS MY HUSBAND

Part 27

MMP

No, I don’t love him sir. I replied.

Pastor sighed and asked me. What do you feel for him?

I replied; sir I can’t love him again because he has hurt me and my love had died.

I like him just as I like my next neighbor.

Pastor smiled and said; Sister Joy, it is like a prison to plan to live with a man you don’t love.

You cannot live with a man you don’t love. You cannot divorce this man. God hates divorce and anything God hates is a sin. Living with a man you don’t love is a lifelong prison sentence.

Do you want to be in a lifelong prison sentence of unhappiness…?

I didn’t answer, I was just looking.

Do you want to become a divorcee or want to have a broken home?

I didn’t answer, I was just staring at my fingers.

“Sister Joy”, Pastor called me.

“Yes sir” and I started crying.

Pastor’s wife spoke from behind me. I didn’t know when she came in. She said,

Love does not die, love is everlasting. The day Pastor started loving me again, I knew.

I could see it in his eyes

. I could hear it in his voice. I could see it in his actions. I knew he loves me again and I started working on reciprocating that love.

I tested him over and over again to be sure that he truly loves me. Then I could not find any fault in him. I saw myself as the problem.

I became angry with him that he is now good and I am the problem. Finally, I accepted his love and for over nine years, that love has conquered me.

Your husband can only be won with love. Not just likeness. Not just faking it.

Only true love matters.

At this time, Pastor’s wife was holding me close to herself. I was sobbing.

She turned to her husband and called him.

My Heartbeat!

He answered; Yes, My Rose!

Sister Joy needs ten days of Lovaquine Injection.

He nodded and replied..

Yes, she is seriously infected with Marital Malaria Parasite. “MMP”.

My look to her was quizzical. Which one be MMP again? Trust me I asked…

Haba, which one is malaria inside marriage again.

Pastor explained; As you know that mosquitoes spread the malaria parasite. In marriage, wrong information spread marital parasite.

You have been informed that no marriage can be truly happy and you have believed it. Lies have been said that all men are cheats so you expect it or you dread it.

You have believed more in the weaknesses of your spouse than in the good in them.

Stories you read about broken homes stick more in your head than the stories about nice marriages.

Symptoms of MMP are,

Headache: Most discussions with your spouse gives you headache. You prefer not to talk many times.

High temperature: Your blood boils at weaknesses seen as errors in your partner.

Vomiting: You vomit very hurtful and abusive words when you argue.

Sweating: Your quarrels are making you lose resources, joy and money.

If this Marital Malaria is not treated it will enter high Fever stage and the next symptoms of high fever are;

Hallucination: You begin to see and hear wrongly. Every step your partner takes, have no meaning to you. You see wrong motive in everything they do.

Fainting: You suddenly feel tired of your spouse and this makes you to get out of the house wishing to break the marriage.

If this is not treated, it could damage the marriage and lead to Marital Immune Deficiency Syndrome (MIDS) which is equivalent to AIDS. Which can lead to death of both the marriage and the partners.

Ahhh, marriage has aids again? I asked in tears, my mouth can’t just keep quiet.

Yes. Anyone who is divorced is suffering from Marital Aids called Marital Immune Deficiency Syndrome.

At this stage no matter what the partners does, they are no longer in love. The marriage is starved of the main reason for its existence in the first place, which is love.

Have you not read that love covers all sins? Where there is no more love, all sins are magnified……

Divorce happens because both partners have deprived their marriage of the adequate level of love required to keep it alive.

Pastor stopped talking.

The Pastor’s wife looked at me and said. “My darling, you have been properly diagnosed by the love doctor, my husband”.

You will be treated with ten days of injection, three times daily. This may sound confusing to you, but as soon as you get the first injection, you will understand.

I never knew there were medical terms for my marital woes.

I didn’t know there are injections for people like me.

But if I can get cured and have a sweet marriage like my Pastor’s, then I will be very glad….

Lovaquine Injection.

What does it look like?

Will it be painful?

I am waiting to find out.

Aren’t you curious too?

OH THIS MY HUSBAND

Part 28

Lovaquine Baby

I went home that night. I was emotionally tired. I don’t know how to love this man back. All I can see are the hurts.

If not for the fact that Pastor had gone through what I’m passing through, I would have said he doesn’t understand how difficult it is to love my kind of husband.

I went to sleep shortly after I got home. I didn’t bother to eat or drink. I hope I don’t have ulcer because of this marriage wahala.

I had a dream; I saw my husband like my baby. I was his mother. I was actually carrying him in my hands.

In the dream, I knew he was my husband but at the same time he was my baby boy. Instantly, I knew I was married to him but the motherly instinct in me was stronger.

He started throwing tantrums. I cuddled him like a mother would take care of a baby. Showering my baby with love.

By my side was an old woman. She tapped me and said,

That baby just started misbehaving and crying for no obvious reasons. The baby didn’t even make any sense, no warning, no communication, no discussion. The baby just started crying.

You didn’t throw him away. You didn’t beat the baby; you didn’t start crying neither did you stand up to report the baby.

You love the baby beyond all his errors. Whether the baby will finally grow up to like you or not does not stop you from loving the baby.

I asked her; “old woman, how can I love my husband like a baby, he is a man not a baby”.

She replied; You called your husband “my baby” when you newly married, didn’t you?

As usual, I was just staring, I couldn’t answer.

The old woman continued; Go and love him like you would love a baby.

She also said; “the good book never gave you a condition for love. Stop attaching conditions your God didn’t attach. Just love him”.

I looked from the baby in my hands to the old woman.

I had no defense; I was just staring……

The old woman started fading right before my eyes and I could hear her voice like a whisper telling me…..

Go and love your husband. Your sickness of love has a cure, your first dose of love medicine has arrived….

I woke up startled from the dream. I checked the time; it was morning already.

I ran to my door to check if any medicine had arrived. Nothing was there.

I checked by my bed if an angel had dropped a package there overnight, it was empty.

Haba, where is the much-awaited medicine. I hate to be disappointed oooo

A text entered my phone, it was a message from Pastor’s wife, it reads;

Good morning sunshine.

For ten days, we would send you thirty reasons why your husband is not a monster but a lost man. thirty reasons why you should appreciate him. MAKE EACH REASON YOUR PROFILE PICTURE FOR MINIMUM OF THREE HOURS AFTER RECEIPT

DOSE ONE

The first thing you have not appreciated your husband for, is that fact that during all your quarrels, he didn’t get angry enough to have killed you like this story

hmmmmm, no matter how crazy my husband is, I didn’t marry a killer.

Hmm, there are many good things in my husband that I have been blinded to

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