THE DUMB AND THE BLIND
The ground didn’t open and I had to smile as my reply to the beggar’s greetings.
Baba Jay is the dumb beggar at the popular roundabout in our area. Everyone knows him. I never knew he was married.
He has a funny animal-like sound of calling your attention. I could tell he was calling me because he kept waving at me.
His wife is a very pretty petite lady. The way he held her into the house was adorable. It made me hungry for loving cuddles.
Pastor called our attention as the lecture commences.
He started, “I told you all that I got some verses from that man in the mountain where I went to pray before landing in the hospital. And I made up my mind that I want my marriage to work.
I want to congratulate you all for coming. Your coming here shows that you want your marriage to work like I did.
I smiled, if only Pastor knew I am only here to while away the time from that house……
Pastor continued his story, looking lovingly at his wife,
I decided to spend some days studying the bible, seeking for answers on how to save my marriage.
After one hour of fruitless search, I stood up and went to my window… lo and behold, I looked down and I saw this lovely couple. Baba Jay was holding his wife to himself. She was feeding him. Their twenty-two year old daughter was making jest of them.
I could see their happiness and I was drawn to their love. I hurriedly changed my cloth and went down to speak with them.
I discovered that he was dumb and she was blind. I had to speak to him through his daughter. He uses sign language and she interpret in English.
I learnt that for their twenty-four years of marriage, he had never raised his voice to his wife and she had never complained.
The daughter told me that she had never seen her parents quarrel. Not even once.
Because he can’t speak and she can’t see. They are not able to convey any anger. And they must have patience to deal with one another.
Pastor continued speaking….
I spent almost three hours receiving lectures on how to be blind and dumb in marriage. The lecture that day started the sweetness of our marriage.
He stopped looking at his wife, redirected his gaze to us and told us to bring out our note pads as he teaches us how to live without complaining nor saying negative words”.
My respect for this man “Baba Jay” changed. A dumb man without master’s degree, no big education, yet he lived with a woman now for over two decades and no quarrel.
Baba Jay started teaching us with sign language while Pastor was interpreting the signs in English.
Pastor Emma had learnt sign language in order to communicate with Baba Jay.
Come and see us oooo, as we were writing with so much passion as if the professor of electrodynamics was lecturing.
All our attention was drawn to the dumb man full of marital wisdom….
Point one was totally confusing. He said,
MARRIAGE WILL NEVER WORK IF THE TWO PARTNERS ARE NORMAL….
If this man thinks he can release the demon of deaf and dumb into my life, he must be joking.
I looked at Pastor and his wife staring at themselves again… are they not tired of looking at themselves? These guys are truly abnormal.
Isn’t it stupid to be smiling at your husband every time like teenagers on heat…?
They are truly not normal.
But how come normal people are here writing like eager students and learning from the abnormal ones.
Very truly, their abnormalities are turning our normality into normal malnormal
What am I saying…? am I normal?
OH THIS MY HUSBAND
Baba Jay was busy speaking through his hands and Pastor too was interpreting and was still casting glances at his wife.
I was not concentrating… I kept looking at the way Pastor and his wife were behaving like teenagers on heat.
I suddenly noticed that Baba Jay’s wife had placed her hands on the back on her husband, Baba Jay and she seems so content. You can cut the love in the air with a knife, the love was so thick.
I can’t remember the last time I experience such a love in my life.
I didn’t know when I burst into tears again. Oh, I have made a marital blunder.
Pastor asked me, why are you crying?…
I blurted out: I am tired of being normal. I am tired of being the normal wife….
I want to be my husband’s baby again. I don’t want to go through life not knowing the true meaning of love in marriage.
I kept on wailing…. Pastor’s wife wanted to come and console me but I was not the only one who suddenly realized that our normality had robbed us of the joy in marriage.
So I was not the only one crying. Two other sisters were crying too…
Baba Jay signaled with his hands and Pastor interpreted, “it is normal to see many unhappy couples. I sit at the roundabout and I see them drive past with sorrow in their eyes”.
I see women who are only in the man’s house because of children.
I see men who look as if they are in prison.
It is normal to hear of couple’s fight, quarrel, divorce because majority of this world are filled with normal people.
Anytime I tell people that in my over twenty years of marriage, I have never had a quarrel with my wife, it sounds like a lie or impossibility.
The reason people are surprised and don’t believe me, is because our case is not normal. We are an abnormal couple.
From the day your Pastor met with me, and agree to become abnormal, was the day his broken home started getting healed.
It takes one abnormal person to covert a normal marriage to an abnormal one.
Baba Jay paused…
In the process of Baba Jay speaking, we had stopped crying and started writing…..
Pastor picked up from there and said,
My brethren, Baba Jay is dumb, he can’t speak, so he has never spoken any negative word to his wife for over twenty years….
His pretty wife is blind, she has not seen anything bad about her husband in over twenty years.
Can I be bold to tell you today, that the first lesson you will learn today is the first point Baba Jay gave us.
TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE… BE WILLING TO BE ABNORMALLY NORMAL.
Be willing to do things normal husbands won’t do, be willing to do things normal wives won’t do.
Be willing to go the extra mile because of your marriage. Be willing to do things that other normal people with normal marriage problems will see as abnormal.
Abnormal love is allowed.
Abnormal sacrifice is allowed.
Abnormal care is allowed.
Abnormal romance is allowed.
By all means please note, it is perfectly normal to be abnormal in marriage. Search google for toriperi stories
Hmmmm. I had been concentrating seriously I had not noticed that one of the men in our group actually came with his wife and they were both crying and hugging themselves.
The wife was saying that she had never allowed her husband to hug her in public because she felt it was odd but now, she knows better… she was apologizing to her husband for being normal…
Hmmmm. I just hope I can be abnormal oooo.
Just then I heard a voice speak, the sound was like music to my ears…..
Oh, this voice can really turn me to abnormal too….
WHO IS TO BE BLAMED, FOR THE COLOUR?
The voice I just heard was the voice of Baba Jay’s wife. I didn’t know she was not dumb.
She was speaking in clear English; it was so evident that she is educated.
Her voice was characterized by wisdom and education.
She said “I might not be able to see every one of us but I can feel every one of us here. Some people have this erroneous belief that it’s because I am blind so I don’t know my husband’s weaknesses.
This is a big fallacy. I know my husband’s weaknesses. I can feel his mistakes. I’m aware and I can communicate with him because he can hear me and I can speak to him.
But I have the choice to speak negatively to him or refrain from speaking negatively.
Right from the very beginning of our marriage, we both agreed that we are not getting married to hurt one another. We also agreed that our marriage will not be easy because of our deficiencies but we will give it our very best.
Of course, there have been temptations over a million times in a year to speak my mind or prove to my husband that I am educated but one thing has always stopped me, I want to be that abnormal wife who has never said anything negative to her husband.
Today I am proud that after twenty years, I am that abnormal woman now being celebrated even without eyes.”
We all started clapping for her. As in serious ovation. Obama will be jealous.
Even with her not seeing, it’s clear she is far more educated than her husband yet she submitted and she’s having a good marriage.
More clapping and cheering….
After the clapping stopped. Pastor asked us all to follow him into the kitchen except for Baba Jay and his wife.
He paired us into twos.
On the table for each team were two half-filled cups of water. Two bottles filled with clean water. Two paper cups filled with colored water.
The instruction are as follows.
Take the first cup, filled halfway, the first partner is to pour colored water inside. The water becomes slightly colored.
The second partner is to pour colored water inside also. The water becomes very colored.
WHO IS TO BE BLAMED FOR THE COLOURED WATER.
Our answers were: both of us were to be blamed because we both made the clean water dirty.
Take another half-filled glass of water.
Let your partner pour colored water inside, but you should keep pouring clean water two times the quantity of colored water your partner is pouring.
The cup is now filled with very slightly colored water.
WHO SAVED THE CUP FROM BEING TOTALLY COLOURED?
Of course, me!!!, I saved the cup because I kept pouring clean water double the colored water my partner was pouring.
Pastor explained by saying:
This is the first lesson Baba Jay taught me. I can’t blame my partner for putting colored water in our marriage. I don’t have full control over them.
The only person I have full control over, in my marriage is myself.
If my marriage is not happy, if it’s full of color, if it’s full of sorrow. If it’s not clean but very bitter and dirty; It is because I have also contributed to the problem.
It is because I have also poured bitterness, anger, powerlessness, complain and color into my marriage too.
SO MY LAST QUESTION FROM THIS EXERCISE IS THIS. BASED ON MY EXPLANATIONS ABOVE, WHO DO WE HOLD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PROBLEMS IN YOUR MARRIAGE?
hmmmmm, see Jamb question.
The image of my husband popped into my head and by his side was my picture too. Who should I blame ooo
Yes, I can’t control my husband but I should have controlled myself…
But am I the one who broke my marital vows by sleeping with others outside our marriage?
But have I not been troublesome too?
Hmmmm who should I blame honestly?
OH THIS MY HUSBAND
The question just asked by Pastor was very difficult for me to answer.
Who is to be blamed for the problem in my marriage, is it my husband who I do not have control over or is it myself who I have control over?
But I know for sure that I had not controlled myself as much as I should have.
I looked at Pastor and his wife, they were holding one another again.
We left the kitchen for the sitting room and I saw Baba Jay and his amiable wife playing and laughing. So oblivious to the world.
These guys are having a happy marriage. Do I really want to have their kind of marriage or do I want to be stuck in my kind of painful, bitter marriage?
It dawned on me that if I want to be like them, then I have to be the change in my own marriage.
So, while we were returning to our seats as a group, I blurted out “I am the problem, I am the issue in my marriage. I should have controlled myself better. I should have brought clean water when my husband was pouring dirty water. My marriage would not have been as colored as it is now, if I have done my own part”
Trust me, the tears had started again.
With my own confession, it seems I had opened the opportunity for every other person to confess.
We all started saying it is our fault, we were the one that should have done better in our marriages. Enough of blaming the other partner every time. It takes two to tango
Then we called on Pastor, “please help us”.
What should we do to have a happy marriage?
Pastor smiled, then told us “that was exactly how I felt after my first day of discussion with Baba Jay.
It also dawned on me that if my wife was sleeping with various men, going from night club to night club, from party to party and never at home then I should stop blaming her alone.
I have my fault too. If I have made the house to be as beautiful as a nightclub and I have made the daytime in the house to be as fine as a party, then she will have no excuse to go out again.
She will stay at home with me because I have made the house conducive for the kind of person she is.
Though she wants to pour colored water into our marriage, I can decide from now on to open the tap of clean water and keep pouring it into our marriage.
Pastor nudged his wife to talk.
Pastor’s wife smiled, her face lightened up, I knew we were about to hear another story.
She started, “I had gone to work and arranged with my friends another rendezvous at our popular night club that night.”
Unknown to me, my husband had gone to the market to buy colored lights, the type used in clubs, he also got fruit wines and very loud Christian rap music.
One of my office s£x partners dropped me off at the house. Not this house, our rented apartment then. It’s down the road from here, very close to the roundabout.
As soon as I entered the house, it was as if I had missed my way. The apartment was bubbling with loud rap music. I love rap music seriously.
The sitting room all the way to the toilet and bedroom was dark-lit with red, green blue lights.
On the table was dinner, with bottle of wine and ice cubes. I was surprised.
So, this man too has started clubbing, he must be expecting friends, I decided I won’t go to club that night because I want to see what will happen.
I had my own room, so I went inside, locked the door and waited for 2 hours. By the time I came out, my husband was alone in the sitting room.
I looked at the table, the dinner is still there. The wine and all.
Ahh this man wants to poison me; I ran back into my room. But that was the beginning of my husband breaking me down into what I am today.
Now it’s Pastor s turn to give us the final words for today’s lecture.
He told us, “you asked me what you should do?
What I want you to do, is to go home now and become dumb like Baba Jay and become blind like Mama Jay.
Secondly, decide that from today you will pass so much love, so much sweetness, so much care, so much understanding, so much positive emotions into your marriage to counter every negative emotion that your husband or your wife might be pouring into your marriage.
We thanked Pastor and we all dispersed to our various houses.
I was happy. It is time to go and practice what I have just learnt on my husband. That guy is in trouble. I will spoil him with love. I will scatter his brain with care. I will disarm him with understanding.
As soon as I got close to the house, I knew there was a problem. I have always known that my husband is a devil, he is a monster. Demons are working with him.
Right in front of my house, in the full glare of the entire neighborhood, was my husband with a table set.
He was drinking beer with two ladies and he was not hiding the fact that he was cheating on his wife.
When did he come back from work that he had started drinking outside the house with ladies? This time around he did not even go to club. He didn’t hide it from the glare of everybody in the street.
This is a serious affront to my person and my dignity as a woman.
How would other women around view me, I’ll be seen as a failed woman, a woman who cannot control her home.
Just some few days ago, I was a spectacle who fell into the drainage. Few hours later my bags were packed out. A day later my husband was seen drinking with girls outside.
Hmmmm and I am supposed to be blind and dumb……
My heart was beating as if it wants to come out of my mouth.
The blood had drained from my legs, it seems my legs were made of lead.
The hairs of my head were already standing. I must be looking like a ghost now.
I am not going to take this nonsense, no I will not take this rubbish.
Every human being deserves at a minimum, some form of respect