Let me help you with the broken plates; my husband said.
Oga, the broken plates are on the floor and not on my chest: I replied.
Without another word, my husband lifted me into his arms.
He was carrying me to the bedroom and I can see that funny look he always has when he wanted s£x.
But this time I am ready for him.
My husband is a 4-minute man. He expects to claim the trophy when the race is just about to start. This had deprived me of s£xual fulfilment all through our marriage.
My response to our unfulfilled s£x was to restrict s£x to during my ovulation period alone.
Pastor Mrs. had taught me that the ways a woman can really enjoy s£x is to change the rule.
Usually, it is men that initiates s£x and within five minutes he ejaculates and leaves the woman who is just beginning to gear up for s£x, hanging in midair, high and dry.
She advises that women should take more active roles in s£x. Don’t wait for foreplay. Take charge of the foreplay.
Tease him but don’t allow him access to the honey pot.
I was also taught that missionaries can’t be strangers forever. So why should you make the only s£xual style the missionary style.
The bible says and “Adam knew his wife”. How can you know someone s£xually when you only lie face to face?
If no one can be satisfied with living in a face me I face you house forever, then face me I face you s£x shouldn’t be forever.
You know Pastor’s wife was once a club girl, she gave me the nitty gritty of s£xuality in a Christian home. She told me that couples must ensure they baptize every room in their house s£xually.
This creates fun moments to cherish and to remember.
As we entered the bedroom, he dropped me on the bed, but I led him to the bathroom.
For the first time in our marriage, I gave my husband a warm bath, and ensured my hands lingered on sensitive spots. By the time I finished using my palm to rub off the water, he was speaking in tongues.
He took his turn to bathe me, I didn’t know my husband thinks my sensitive regions were dirty because he spent a lot of time washing…. Oh, what joy that fills my soul….
We moved to the bedroom and I ensured that it is an acrobatic session and not a boring missionary journey.
Curtain closed. Sorry, s£x is best enjoyed in secrecy of husband and wife alone. I can’t share more details.
The next Sunday we went to church, the news had spread about my husband nefarious activities, church members were giving us funny looks.
Hypocrites are too much in the church these days. Well, I don’t mind the looks I’m getting. My mess would be converted to a message by mercy of God.
I clutched my husband to myself. I was not shy to give him open pecks in church. Let me claim my man before lonely ladies think they have a prey.
After service, I was standing by the main entrance to the church when I saw Bose, Assistant Pastor’s daughter. I called her to myself and hugged her.
As soon as I hugged her, everyone around me started clapping. They were surprised that I can give a hug to the lady who slept with my husband.
Bose started crying, I was crying and many ladies around me were crying.
Then the unthinkable started happening.
Haaaa what name do I call this.
Before I could control the situation, my husband was out of hands.
OH THIS MY HUSBAND
HOLY GHOST INVASION
Sister Beatrice came towards me and knelt before me. She said;
I have studied the lessons on forgiveness on the Bible but I didn’t understand. Today, I have seen the true meaning of being a Christian and forgiving others.
I am not worthy to be a Christian because I am yet to forgive my husband for calling me a fat woman. Mummy Joy, pray for me please…..
Wasn’t I the sister Joy this morning? Now I am being called mummy, wow!
Other members of the church started coming towards me, and as they got closer, they fell upon their kneels, crying for forgiveness from God.
One, two, five, ten, more, more….. all on their kneels around me. Calling out the names of people they have not forgiven in their heart.
Haaaa what name do I call this, forgiveness crusade?
Before I could control the situation, my husband was out of hands, he started to prophecy to people.
He was mentioning names of those they are yet to forgive and the problems unforgiveness had brought into their lives.
Surprisingly, majority of the married members of the church were holding one grudge or the other against their spouses.
Uncle B, a partially blind senior citizen in our church was passing by when my husband faced him to tell him that he is yet to forgive his dead wife for dying early. The man went on his kneels to forgive her and his eyesight became very clear.
Big mummy had a partial stroke last year, she always comes to church in a wheel chair. My husband faced her and told her that the demon of unforgiveness is what bounds her to the chair. He said to her;
You caught your husband in a compromising situation fourteen years ago. Your refusal to forgive gave the devil the power to finally bind you last year. Forgive and be set free.
As soon as mummy finished praying, my husband held her hands and pulled her up, she started walking.
I have been living with a prophet and an anointed man but I didn’t know. Sin had killed the power in my husband before now.
I remembered that my husband deliverance started after I totally forgave him too.
Pastor and his wife came out of the church office to see what was happening…
Those on the streets and houses close to the church started running to the church.
We had to move everyone back into the church and start another service. This time Pastor didn’t preach.
He invited my husband to anchor this new service. The choir couldn’t sing, they were crying to God for forgiveness. I did the singing.
My husband sudden sermon was titled: MULTITUDE OF CHRISTIANS IN HELL FOR UNFORGIVENESS.
The stone that the builders rejected had become the corner stone.
After the multitudes of signs and wonders, Pastor told the church that he was led of God to ordain my husband and I.
Ahhhhh, I don’t want ooo.
How are they sure that the power of God is now permanently on my husband’s life?
Maybe God just borrowed him today oooo
This people don’t know my husband ooo
Hmmmm, do I sound like an unforgiving person?oh God forgive me.
From that day things changed.
Our house became a bee hive of activities. Someone is always around to see my husband.
The excitement was over, the stress is now telling on me.
My husband doesn’t have my time. He is either reading the bible or praying for someone or counselling.
I was left out because I don’t want to look like an intruder in another people’s discussion.
Finances was getting very slim. My husband refused to collect money from people.
Today, we have had over six visitors and I was already tired when I heard the knock on the door.
I grudgingly went to the door ready to turn them back when I discovered who was at the door
Oh no, not my own turn now
DIVISION OF ATTENTION.
I grudgingly went to the door ready to turn them back when I discovered who was at the door.
Tony was at the door. I flew into his hands. Memories started flooding my heart.
Tony was my ex in the university, a very naughty boy. We did a lot of naughty things together. We were very close and almost had s£x. He has a very jovial personality.
I was tired of hosting members for my husband, now I have a visitor. Oh no, not my turn.
“My Joyous” Tony called me. (That is the nickname he gave me in school).
I just moved into the next compound, for some days now, I have been telling myself that the s£xy, fine babe opposite my house is My Joyous. So, I decided to check it out myself; he said.
He caught me unawares by holding my hands and spinning me round…. Oh boy, this lady is looking younger and s£xier; he exclaimed.
My head was swelling, this is what I missed, a friend who is my number one fan. Tony can hype you till your head bursts. Just seeing him now made my tiredness disappear.
I asked him; where is your house and how are your wife and children?
He pointed to the house opposite ours, he said; I am divorced, we were married for five years but it didn’t work out. I have a four-year-old child. My Joyous, how about you. I have seen your husband but where are your children? He asked.
We are all fine, I replied.
Please give me your number so we can chat, can I visit you later? He asked.
I gave him my number and went back inside the house.
My husband was still busy counselling, he didn’t even know I was out for a while. I was tired and I retired to the room.
I couldn’t sleep, my thoughts were with Tony. I smiled as I remembered all the fun we had.
When we used to cook together and smear ourselves with the ingredients. How we used to tickle one another everywhere, he used to back me and roll me around. It was mad fun.
I didn’t know my husband had finished with counselling. He was staring at my smiling face.
What are you thinking of? He asked.
I was startled…
I know, I know, you are wondering how everything changed from being a disgrace to being a preacher. I don’t know too. He said smiling at me.
I nodded as if that was what I was actually thinking, how do I tell him that I was thinking of my ex…
My husband went to his corner of the room and started praying again.
Haha, don’t I need attention too.
I tried to read the bible, I was distracted, I went online but couldn’t find anything very interesting.
I went to my messaging app and discovered that Tony had sent me a message. I ignored it.
I decided to have my bath, eat and sleep. My husband was still praying vigorously.
Hmmmm, after all these prayers he won’t have my time. I am beginning to feel lonely.
I picked up my phone, I had eight messages from Tony. I really wanted to chat him up but I was feeling a pang of guilt.
Well, I’m not cheating on my husband; I am just chatting with an old friend; I told myself.
I read all he had wrote, he brought back sweet memories…..
Tony: Hi my Joyous
Tony: Can we chat now?
Tony: Since we spoke, I can’t think of anything else but you.
Tony: If I had known you will be this s£xy, I won’t have left you.
Tony: Do you still have that birth mark on your [email protected], the one I love touching.
Tony: No other lady could play rough like we used to do.
Tony: We were one item. Do you remember we used to think alike?
Tony: I missed those days.
I replied by saying,
Me: I missed it too, please don’t make me remember ooo
And that was how we chatted for hours.
As soon as my husband finished praying, he also picked his phone to pray with those who had called him.
He also went to his laptop to look for jobs and send his CV for placements. He was in his world; I was in my world.
My chats with Tony was getting deeper and mightier. I had to password my phone so that my husband won’t by chance see the phone.
I was not actually cheating. I was just catching on, on my past.
Days later my husband tried to initiate s£x, but I was not interested and I didn’t know why.
His touch was somehow repulsive to me. I am not loving him less but I don’t want to have any s£xual contacts with him.
I advised him to fast so that he would stop demanding for s£x.
One week later, Tony told me that he had a boil on his thigh and he wanted me to help him to find solutions.
I asked him to send the picture so I can diagnose it for him, he sent me an almost nude picture because the boil was very close to his manhood toriperi stories .
I felt very excited by the picture. My hands were shaking. He said he wanted to send more pictures because we are friends and can share any information with one another.
I dropped my phone on the bed to ease myself because I have not been feeling fine. I have been vomiting for days with early morning nausea.
I was giggling like a primary school girl in the toilet. Waiting for more raunchy pictures.
As I came out of the toilet, I met my husband, with my phone, staring as if he saw a pregnant ghost.
OH THIS MY HUSBAND
MARITAL WORDS WARFARE
As I came out of the toilet, I met my husband, with my phone, staring as if he saw a pregnant ghost.
I rushed to collect my phone. Lo and behold, Tony just sent a totally nude picture to my phone.
Normally I would have been excited about his chats, but this time around I was angry.
I might be enjoying catching up with the past but not to the extent of destroying my marriage.
My husband was looking at me, waiting for an explanation.
I went on my kneels to beg him.
I have no external affair with any man, I have been trying to tell you about Tony for a while now, that I met him and he lives around us; I said mumbling all the words together.
All I heard from my husband was “This is a w—e, and I’ve turned to the prey”. As soon as he vomited those very hurtful words, he stepped out of the house.
These words hurt me to the marrow. I cannot take it again. How can he say such words to me?
Has he ever caught me in adultery? Was he not the one that brought shame to the whole family? How can he say such dirty words to me?
I suddenly have this idea to pack my bags and leave the house. If my husband can call me a w—e and call himself the prey, then it is over.
He had not noticed I am sick and I have been vomiting for days without any fever.
I didn’t have anywhere to pack to so I thought of moving to Tony’s House. At least Tony trust me, we have been together from school days and we were truly friends.
I picked my bag and gathered together some clothes and I ensured the clothes I picked were non revealing.
At this time, I had started my crying again.
As I dragged my bags downstairs towards the door, my husband came in with Pastor and his wife.
Sister Joy!!! Pastor exclaimed.
Where are you going? why are you crying? why the bag? Pastor asked.
My husband rushed to my side to hold me. This fake action made me madder and angrier.
Please leave me alone, you this hypocrite. Behind, you call me names and when Pastor is around you want to treat me like a queen. I won’t be part of these lies; I screamed at him.
My husband was truly taken aback, he froze, confused and flabbergasted.
I don’t understand, how do you mean my love; He said.
This made me more infuriated and I replied him;
Ahhh, don’t act as if you don’t know what I am saying. All these while you have ignored me. You want to do as if you have not noticed, abi?
You have never caught me in adultery yet you called me a w—e!!! I stood by you when you were whoring upandan.
A whole me!!!!!
I am packing out of the house today; I am leaving you because I have discovered that you are an ungrateful man. I blurted out amidst tears.
Pastor Mrs. came towards me and led me to sit.
My husband was still very confused as to the matter.
The more he looked innocent about the matter that more I got angry.
Pastor asked my husband, Brother Momoh, please I know you are a changed man. The power of God had a very vivid encounter with you and today you have become a true child of God. Please tell us, did you call your wife a w—e?
My husband replied; It’s not long ago that I saw Jesus, that I was given a second chance. I cannot lie and would not lie. I never called her a w—e.