a journey through time make you weak or strong. if you choose to cruise too fast, you end up being tired and give up along the way,that’s why others resort to suicide . if you take one step at a time, you focus and get determined to pick yourself up when you trip. life ain’t an easy thing to live,you need to take it seriously from day one and live your everyday like it’s your last.
“what are you doing here? ” I asked him evidently furious.
“Wangu my dear that’s not the way to talk now,” my mother jumped in. you would think she wasn’t the same person who was shoving me into the arms of the old cargo just the previous day.
“stay out of this mum it doesn’t concern you,” I waved her off.
“fine I will leave you two to sort out your issues.” when she had gone banging the door after her I said, ” I asked you something.”
“please my love forgive me.oh God knows I have passed through hell when you left me.I can’t continue living without you.” oh my heart bled at that but too much water was still passing under the bridge and I couldn’t have a smooth crossing. I had run away in hope of healing myself yet here he was reminding me again of every sore and ache.
“you can’t have two women under the same roof that’s unheard of,” I couldn’t bring myself to have him back into my life.
“I will send Masozi back to the village after she delivers.” God forbid me to be the reason to sink an innocent child into the sea of poverty when both parents were alive. I know how my kids felt the pinch of absence of their father in their lives.
“no way.be man enough to bear the consequences of your actions. give your baby a chance to know his father mine didn’t have that privilege.” I said meeting his gaze. his bloodshot eyes exposed the pain buried way deep in his soul.
” oh my God I don’t know what I have done to myself,” he said more to himself than to me.
” do yourself a favour and go back to Masozi to save us both from headaches.you are better off because its your first time but I cannot risk myself from pain for the second time.” his head was between his legs.
“I came all the way here to take you home, there’s no way am going back without you,” he spoke in finality. going back with Peter could have been better than staying back to face Mr Chirwa’s ridiculous marriage proposal. the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know. I knew Peter’s baggage but I didn’t know the load Mr Chirwa possessed and that was scaring …
Later that day I convinced Peter to go to his mother and wait until I thought about the whole issue. reluctantly he went,deep down inside me I knew that I wasn’t taking him back no matter what.
the following morning I woke up to the loud voices of my Aunt outside. my mother didn’t know of my journey to report her to aunt.
“I don’t know what sort of a mother are you or if I should even call you one. why are you forcing your daughter into that forsaken marriage? I thought you will love these children but no you want to kill her before her time. do you have an idea what killed his wife?” I could hear my aunt roaring.
” do I come to your house and tell you how to raise your children? ” knowing my mother I knew fully well that she couldn’t have gave in.
“you call that raising? huh your husband must be ashamed of you in his grave. you disgrace me..” the exchange was more serious than I had thought. I hated to be the reason for their truce. I got out of my room to go and atleast cool things down before they got worse. i was sure the neighbours were now watching a free show.
” don’t drive my husband into this. I will do what I want with my children and there’s nothing you can do about it.” it was a dare,my mother’s stubbornness sometimes amazed me.
“it’s your love of money that will kill you,” my aunt was just hilarious.
“you don’t know anything about poverty. thank that husband of yours for marrying a fool like you…”
“mum please stop shouting,” I interrupted the commotion.
“I should shut up you say. mxii you have the nerve to talk to me after you have caused all this?” I stepped back a few steps because I knew a slap was on the way.
she went back inside and started throwing my bags outside.
“i hate nonsense.i feed you and your cats while their father is enjoying his life to the fullest.i have had enough,” she was shouting.Amanda started crying in panic.I handed Laurent to Aunt and picked Amanda up rocking her back and forth.tears started flowing down my cheeks.
I never intended for things to turn this way…
My mother was a good person i know but maybe i had just pushed her to the edge. imagine waking up one day to the realization that you are a grandmother whose existence you never new until now. staying far away from her created a huge gap between us, we didn’t bond like we were supposed to. i had overloaded her life with my own baggage so i understood that she needed a breather. she could have just said so and i could have given her the space and freedom. wait a minute,,, did in anyway had to do with Mr Kamanga? i didn’t know.
My aunt helped correct my things and i left for her house. after she threw my things out to the dismay of her sister, she went to lock herself in her room. i swear my aunt had enough anger to break the door down but i stopped her in time. this whole thing was comedy to Beatrice, i didn’t see the funny side of it especially when my tears were involved. we left but i promised myself to be back since there was no way i wanted my mother to be mad with me forever.
My eldest cousin Janet who lived in Mzuzu was there for the holidays with her three girls. after a few days my aunt asked me if i wanted to go with Janet so that i stand doing business and support myself. oh God bless her soul i was over the moon. she gave me money to start buying wrappers and clothes which came from Tanzania so that i either open a shop in Mzuzu or in Nkhatabay. i needed to get away for sometime to give myself time to think properly. i had two kids who needed feeding and clothes, i had to stand on my two feet and earn a living. i realized that folding my hands was never going to be a solution to my problems. as far as i was concerned men would always be there, i was still young to be caught in the cobweb of emotions. Peter had to accept the fact that Masozi was the one carrying his baby and for now he was stuck with her. to be abandoned while pregnant is risky to both the mother and child, few people make it with scars. ladies lets love each other in the name of sisterhood, whatever the reasons don’t be a thorn that pierce your sister’s heart. the same man you blag about today after he leaves his wife for you, will leave you for somebody else. what makes you think you are so special and can take somebody else’s husband? find your own single man the world hasn’t run out of them yet.
when we arrived in Mzuzu the weather was so horrible, i didn’t know if it was still part of Malawi. i was used to the hot temperatures of Lilongwe and Nkhatabay. Janet had a big house and i had never met her husband until then. he was a pleasant and warm person who liked joking a lot. when he shook my hand in welcome i mumbled a prayer to God to help me live with them in harmony, i had a feeling that this was going to be my second home. if you surround yourself with productive people, you become productive yourself. these people had gone to school and they were working. there was a high possibility of me doing something about a job.
Later that evening when i had retired for bed, i watched my children sleep peacefully, sometimes i thought i didnt do them justice by dragging them along with me when i seemed to be forever moving. they deserved a stable place, a place to call home definitely. i vowed myself to provide that for them, from my own sweat not a man’s because i was now convinced that i never got any luck with men. i tried calling my mum but her number was busy i gave up after what seemed like a tenth attempt instead i logged in to Facebook and read people’s crazy statuses. some people have drama and others bare all their lives on the social media just humiliating themselves. i had two friend requests from people i didn’t know and a message in my inbox which read.” are you Wangu Banda who i met in Nkhatabay?” It was Remo Da… what what. i recognized him as the man i met on my way to my Aunt’s place few days ago. it was out of this world, i thought other people were fully employed by Facebook and used it to their extreme potential. one friend request was from him, i went through his profile before i accepted him. he was online and immediately he sent me a message. asking what i did for a living and what i was doing in Nkhatabay when i had said i l lived in Lilongwe, he even asked if i was married or not and he requested for my phone number. immediately i logged out, i didn’t have time for stalkers. i slept like a log and Laurent didn’t stir at night, guess he was tired from the long journey. i had been a bit reluctant to travel because the last time i was returning from Lilongwe, he got seriously sick.
The following morning after having breakfast we went to town in Janet’s car to start immediately identifying things that i wanted to sell. we left Amanda and the other children in the care of a maid. for the first time in years i felt relaxed and sure of what i wanted to do. i choose to buy wrappers and slippers which would fetch me money in the village. Janet advised me to first look for things to sell right there in Mzuzu then later on when the business gets a grip, i should go to Nkhatabay. i couldn’t have done on my own. i didn’t know where these people were in the first place when my parents shipped me off to Lilongwe for that crazy man to rape me. i was sure if i had been left with my aunt, my life could have been different by now.
we finished by looking for a shop to rent and we were lucky to find one at Ten Thousand Kwacha. Janet told me that she will pay rentals for the first three months because business might be slow for a start. i couldn’t thank her enough for everything, she was a God sent angel.
We went back to the car. i was overwhelmed with happiness. i was going to do my own thing with to strings attached. God had been so faithful to me i didn’t know where to begin to thank him because of His love for me, i had a testimony…