you will never be brave if you don’t get hurt, you will never learn if you don’t make mistakes, you will never be successful if you don’t encounter failure.
who it was, if not the mighty and high Ben himself. nxaa I didn’t know what sort of explaination I had to give him to convince him that it wasn’t what he thought it was. but did I owe him that much considering the fact that I was just a passing breeze in his life and he never cared.
“is this what you do in my absence? ” it hit me hard that he had to find us in that awkward yet innocent position. I didn’t do anything with Peter not even kissing him yet here he was acting as if we have been caught pants down. I just stared at him,praying that his demons wouldn’t get the better of him.
“it’s not what you think. Peter here was just trying to be…”
” shut up you cheap wh***” as far as I was concerned, I didn’t deserve the leash of his tongue. he was acting as if he was holy yet his heart was burdened with too many unruly actions. I don’t understand why men expect us to bury the hatchet and put not a memorial tombstone on it yet if its the other way round, you are assured of an unpleasant show of their beasty side. I owed him nothing so he had to stop acting like he owned my head.
” I must apologize sir for the act you just saw. me and your wife are just friends ” poor Peter. he was unsuccessfully trying to stir himself out of this mess.
” she is not my wife and will never be. yes am sure you are just friends sharing a bed ” that was a blow to my face. I know I had lied to Peter but I intended to tell him the whole truth in my own good time. Ben had just ruined it and blew off my cover. whatever will Peter think of me from now onwards was equal to a series of wrong turn movie.
“don’t think if I hopped in bed with you,I can do it with every Jim and Jack. besides can I ask what happened between you and Cindy your obvious bed mate?” I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth. it earned me a slap. it was the first time he had la!d his hand on me and I didn’t wish a repeat of that performance. Peter stood up and walked over to him. I know he wasn’t much of a fighter and this came as a surprise.
” you can beat your fellow men to pulp I don’t give a d–n but you only expose your cowardice if you lay a hand on a woman particularly this woman. I don’t care who you think you are but if you repeat this at any time of my breath, I will make sure I have you locked up and throw the keys at the bottom of the sea” you can imagine the pride that swelled inside my chest. Ben needed someone who could stand up to him. my Knight in shining armour yooh smile emoticon .before Ben had time to recover from the shock and shame, Peter went out with his message successfully delivered and gave me the ‘you-owe-me-an-explaination’ look . I knew now I had been left to fight the rest of this battle and in the history of it,I never won. I sat down and listened to him lashing out how he struggled to put food on my table and a roof over my head yet I was still an ungrateful illiterate pig. he said this time he was going for good because he was tired of my promiscuity. koma how many times had he seen me in the company of men? he said he had heard enough of my town mongering with men and parading Amanda along. he said if I wanted that life I had to go alone and not sleep with men in the presence of his daughter, he didn’t care if I slept with the whole town. where was his jelousy driving to? I would swear this man could follow me right to my grave if I wasn’t careful I don’t that way I would rest in perfect peace. it was like he had a chain around my neck and drag me like his prisoner. you can let someone throw many stones at you before you start picking them all up and use them to build a wall to keep that person out of your life. how I wish I had the audacity to keep him at bay once and for all. I didn’t have words for this educated savage who claimed to be full of knowledge and wisdom yet he was acting like a fool. you can take James from the village but you can’t take the village out of James. a fool is a fool whether literate or illiterate. but what good is education if you can’t apply it to your everyday life?
all I was left with was to forgive myself for allowing him to hurt me.
” I came to give you your examination results. ” that brought me back to reality. I took the sealed envelope from him.I was grateful he didn’t open it beforehand. I tore the envelope with shaking hands and my eyes landed on the familiar stamp of The Chartered Institute of Marketing.
“read it loud, I want to hear it too.” And I began.
“Dear Miss Wangu Banda. This is to inform you that…”
EPISODE 21 (Part B)
I felt like a hammer had hit my heart, making it heavy and weary I couldn’t breathe. My life had become a series of failures; it was like nothing couldn’t work. I was in a relationship with a man who thought little of me. The best word could be that he was using me and loving every minute of it. I had just failed my exams, the only ticket to flee from his slavery. I knew why I failed. The time exams were approaching I was so sick I failed to do last minute touches. The time I was writing them, I wasn’t any better. I failed all the subjects and that was unlike me. I was a straight A student yet I had goofed in the last minute. Don’t judge me, people have failed exams before and will continue failing but what becomes worse is when you fail and you refuse to stand up and fight again with another attempt. I was heartbroken and felt numb all over. I stood up and went to lock myself in my room leaving him as dejected as I was. I had failed myself. I cried until I fall asleep. A tap on the door woke me. I quickly looked at the clock, it was 2: AM.
“What do you want?” locking myself meant I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to go through the torture of facing him let alone be in the same room with him. He didn’t say anything since the previous evening. I didn’t want another disgracing lecture. I refused to open the door. When I woke up around 9,I found him watching a movie and he had made breakfast. Ohm that was a changed new version of him. I almost reminded him that he had forgotten to throw tantrums. I had fatigue from lack of enough sleep and I didn’t feel like eating so I made myself a cup of tea and went back to bed, leaving the door open. Around midday, he came and shook me awake. I looked at him quizzically. What now?
“Have this money. I am going back to Karonga. I will be back to see Amanda.” Then he left. A sea of guilt washed over me so suddenly I started crying again. I had thrown his kindness into his face and wasted his money by failure. I wish I had been strong enough to cope with the pressures and strains pregnancy in the first trimester but my body couldn’t hold things together. If I could I would have gone back to that time and reverse my ill timed pregnancy. I really needed some comfort
A week later Peter called. I thought that was the last I had heard from him bearing in mind that we didn’t have a pleasant parting. He said he had missed me so much and had been so busy with work that he didn’t even have time for himself. I had a lump in my throat. He promised to make it up to me by coming that evening. He said this time he was coming heavily loaded with ammunition for the get-rid-of-Ben-campaign. It felt like ages since I last had a rid cracking laugh. Amanda knew that it was Peter and she insisted to talking to him. I gave her the phone and she told him to buy chocolate for her because I refused giving her excuses about her teeth becoming bad. I heaved a sigh of relief when he hanged up without bringing that previous issue but when he came that evening, he asked me for the whole truth behind that horrifying tale of my life with a man whose middle name was the devil himself. This time, I held nothing back. If we were to remain friends, I intended to restart on a fresh slate. I told him how cruel Ben had been to me and of course the good things he had done as well. Nothing could have healed that pain except the passage of time. He put his arms around me in comfort. A part of me wished I had known him earlier than Ben, who knows maybe the kids could have been his. After I had quieted, he said
“Can you please forget about him? Like completely cut ties with him. I know it’s too early to say this but I have always loved you from way back when we were kids. It doesn’t matter what you have passed through but I am here to love you with all your imperfections. It’s good now that I have known who you have turned out to be over the years we were apart, but I also have my own baggage and trust me I am not as perfect as I seem to look.” I looked in his eyes. I wasn’t ready to love and trust again, it was too fast too soon. I didn’t want another whirlwind to come into my life, giving me false hopes and promises of a lasting love, only to disappear the same way it came. My heart had walls now, built so high and daring no heart break could penetrate through.
“I am sorry, but I am not ready for any of this. Give me time to think about it.” I didn’t trust my heart with a fellow human being no matter how nice he seemed. You don’t become a dare devil in matters of the heart when you had gone to hell and back. You start looking for an Eden so that your heart should have a taste of how a portion of paradise feels like.
“I am giving you all the time in the world princess as long as you give me a chance to show you how much I love you. Please forget about Ben. That man can dig you a grave and bury you while you are still alive. I don’t want to lose you.” I mumbled a prayer for God to lead me in this valley of indecisiveness because this time I didn’t want to walk down in it alone. I slept in his arms that night and my baby kicked furiously. I am sure it was in excitement at the new found happiness. No more stress and depression. That night I had a dream that made me be assured that Peter was the one. I fall into an empty well and nobody could hear me calling out for help. I stayed there for what seemed like eternity, crying, hopeless and helpless until I heard Peter calling me. I continued shouting his name on top of my voice until he looked down and saw me. I don’t know how, but he had a rope which he lowered it and told me to hold on with all my remaining strength. With a few stumbles and enough bruises, he managed to pull me out. I woke up with a smile on my face and when I opened my eyes, he was there staring back at me.
“Good morning gorgeous.” He kissed my forehead. I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I had always wanted a friend in the man I would fall in love with. It hadn’t been the case with Ben but I knew I had one in Peter. He was already a friend and made me feel at ease. I had told him everything about my life but he didn’t for a single moment try to judge me. Don’t be quick in judging others, you never know the type of battles they had fought and overcame in their lives.
On that day I gave him my heart to him and he promised to be a perfect gentlemen. It was nice just lying there in his arms and let time pass by. Amanda woke up from her room and joined us. He was happy to be in bed with his two beautiful girls. It was a sight worthy to be treasured for a life time. I have never known such profound joy and fulfillment and I owed it all to God for being there to mend my heart after it was torn into shreds.
Most of the times, he used to come to sleep over and he brought most of his things. The further Ben stayed from us, the better it was for us to have a good time together. I never had anything to worry with this guy; he was as transparent as a glass. I would go through his phone and never found anything amiss. I had his face book account password and his ATM card PIN. We went shopping for the baby together but I refused to go for scanning to see its sex. By and By the memory of her dad was being erased from her memory and she knew only Peter as her dad and I was shocked when she started calling her that. Some kids aah they have minds of their own. Children are the most inquisitive of creatures, the ask questions of what is never there and will ensure the answer you give them now will be the one you will always give them. He introduced me to his elder brother and we clicked immediately. His wife Jennifer was such a gem. I was immediately accepted into the family and it always felt like I had always known these people. They had four kids. Three boys and a very cute girl who was of Amanda’s age. The pieces of the puzzle of my heart were slowly falling into place.
Laurent Mphatso (which meant gift) came into this world on a June afternoon. What an appearance he decided to make on such a cold day. This little guy was a mirror version of me and I was so happy. He was going to break many hearts wink emoticon
My heart was torn between whether or not to call Ben and tell him about his son, I knew his number by heart. You will be surprised how many numbers girls memorize in their lives. If I told him, it meant I was going to make my baby part of his miserable and troublesome life again. If I didn’t, it meant he was to have Peter’s surname and have a father in every sense of the word. But a part of me longed for my baby to have a chance to know his biological father no matter how much of a jerk he was.
When I was still in the hospital, Emmah came to see me. She brought a wedding invitation card of Ben and Cindy. I didn’t even bulge with emotions. If at all my heart was burning, I didn’t twitch. This girl was cruel, she chose an awkward time to send my emotions flying and I wasn’t ready to give her the satisfaction. I was happy with Peter and nothing was going to ruin it. Norah knew how I was on the verge of anger and she tried to laugh it off as a very bad joke. She said maybe they deserved each other with the sort of madness that each of them had equally stored up their sleeves. She wondered what sort of marriage it was going to be. i didn’t care if they strangled each other.
When I was discharged from the hospital, Peter had packed all our belongings and we were relocating to Area 25. That dusty place. If it was meant to be a surprise, sure I wasn’t too happy about it. He could have asked for my advice first before he bundled us up to an unfamiliar place. To say the truth I never liked the area but I was too tired to argue. He had already hired some people to help and they had already moved most of the things. He hired a taxi to take us to our new house. Wow I was over the moon at the sight of it. Amidst the dusty area, lay a fenced three bed roomed and self contained house. It was dreams come true. I loved this surprise. He had already prepared the bedroom for my arrival and there was the baby’s sleeping cot. Amanda exclaimed in delight and he took her hand for a tour around the house.Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.
I retired to bed with one thing in mind, Ben wouldn’t be able to locate us and I would make sure I swore both Norah and Emmah to secrecy…