if you want to know more about suffering read the whole book of Job and only then you shall understand how it was raining elephants and lions of problems for him. only that after he lost everything, The Lord restored him a hundred fold. mine seemed to unfold without end and I didn’t know when the expiry date to my problems was going to come and so far I wasn’t even half way through Job’s calamities.
the following morning I went to see Norah and it was the same time that somebody brought me a letter notifying me that I had been selected to study journalism at Malawi institute of Journalism. tears of joy trekked down my cheeks and I jumped up so high I thought I touched the moon. I was getting there slowly but surely. I didn’t know how to thank God.
Norah was ecstatic as I was but I could sense an underlying current of jealousy written on her face. you see she was a standard six drop out because she had to repeat the same class for six times until she decided that she was too old for that class. unlike me she wasn’t a fighter and brains wasn’t part of her gift so she quitted. the good thing was she taught me to plait and braid hair like I went to school for it and that’s how she supported herself.
I told her my pregnancy fears, she was worried about how I would cope up with school in that condition. my heart broke. I didn’t even know where to get ninety thousand kwacha tuition fee because not even my employer could give me a loan of that amount,he wasn’t sure if his business could survive the next five years.it all depended on the direction of the wind of political affairs.
“go and have a pregnancy test that way you will know the truth” that sent me into a fit of panic. I wanted to know yet I was afraid of the raw truth. how will I ever forgive myself if am indeed pregnant?
I gathered enough courage and went to the nearest private hospital .my hands shook when I was given a container for my urine. I prayed for forgiveness and a second chance from God. if I will be spared of this pregnancy maze,I would never allow any man between my legs again until I walk down the aisle. later on my fears were confirmed by the pleasant young Doctor who congratulated me with a twinkle in his eye. I wasn’t too happy but I felt a stirring and tightening in my tummy. I hoped it was a girl. I already imagined ribbons in her hair.
“you don’t look happy about this. do you want an abortion? ” what? his job was to help people make their lives better not the other way round.
“no no no am fine but its just that I have alot on my mind” I answered and took my leave. that shocking revelation made me to be more alert to my body. no wonder I had been eating like a pig recently not to mention the need to frequently pee and sleep like a log.
I called Norah and told her the news.
“Congrats girlfriend I can’t wait to be an aunt to this sweet tomato. hope it will be a boy ” this girl will never cease to amaze me.
“have you already told Ben?” I remembered that she still didn’t know about the ditch.
” Norah we broke up” I started feeling tears in my eyes like I did everytime I said it until I narrated everything.
“what??? why didn’t you tell me? I will murder that son of…”
“forget about me let’s just concentrate on the baby”
“that is your problem, you always defend him even when he hurt you.forget about him because there will be no baby” I could actually hear her hard breath of anger.
“what do you mean? ” I was confused.
“tomorrow we will go for abortion ” she was never short of surprises.
“no way am I having blood of an innocent baby on my head” I didn’t want to deliberately provoke the wrath of God.
“listen and listen good. this guy will take you to hell for this. you will be struggling with the kid while he is enjoying life with his strings of girlfriends. we don’t bear kids with an ex that’s a mistake of the highest order”
“you can’t tell me what to do with my baby” I said with finality and hanged up on her. what sort of a friend was she to drag me to destruction? what if I died or never be able to have anymore kids ?it wasn’t as if I didnt know what I was doing that I would be suprised where this pregnancy came from.I needed to be strong for my baby if I was to survive all these temptations. my phone rung, it was Ben.he was the worst of my fears. I fought with myself whether to answer it all not.I wasnt ready to expose myself to more harm even though I didn’t know what he wanted to say. I needed to compose myself . I pressed the reject button