I had been bitter throughout the week and everyone around me knew that I haven’t been my usual, bright self and I seemed to have lost interest in everything that makes me happy. I kept staring at the pictures Grace and I took while we were still together. I spent all my productive hours crying over a spilled milk before I pulled my broken pieces together and make it up to Favour.
I decided to go to her hostel at night, for reasons best known to me. I met her reading my anthology. A collection of love poems I wrote for her as a token of my love for her. I greeted her and spoke for some minutes. Our usual chemistry and vibe wasn’t there anymore. We just sat facing each other like strangers in our own stories. I don’t need a fortune teller to tell to me that sometimes, good things fall apart after coming to terms with a broken heart.
Johnny Drille’s ‘Wait For Me’ was playing in the background when Timmy asked me to reconsider.
I felt the song was speaking to me, urging me to say ‘yes’ and come back to him again. I wanted to remind Johnny Drille that the last relationship i had with Timmy almost cost me my life and my sanity.
Timmy could see the lyrics of the song getting into my head, he came closer, “it’s a yes, right? This time it will be so perfect, you wouldn’t want to let go…. even in a million years”
I sighed softly.
He still wasn’t convinced.
“Favour, I know you love me and I know you want me, it’s written all over you. I can see it. Love forgives, isn’t it?”
His warm palm shakes off imaginary dust from my dry cheeks.
Maybe, I did want Timmy back again.
Maybe, I’m just stuck to him.
Maybe, I should not be so bothered about her countless besties, who are all females aside from Paul and Fred.
He will change by the time we’re locked together in holy matrimony.
Didn’t he say that I’m his one and only and he will get married to me after convocation?”.
My mind flashed back to the last evening I went to his room.
My boyfriend, the love of my life and my bestfriend, Grace.
Almost unclad on the mattress. Wet bed sheets filled with sweats. Dark room. Sounds of ecstasy.
And his words when I walked in, “She’s my bestfriend, Favour. Aren’t you my bestfriend, too?”
I couldn’t find a reply to his last question that evening but there’s an answer in my head right now.
“No, Timmy, If that’s who a best friend is, I want nothing of it.”
I turned Johnny’s ‘Wait For Me’ off.
“Hi, Johnny, I’m sorry to disappoint you, I don’t think Timmy is worth waiting for”. My mind spoke.
Timmy begged me over and over again and I couldn’t stand his sight anymore.
Maybe Timmy was right after all
Maybe love forgives and I have to forgive him too and take him back. After all, we sinned against God too and he forgives us too not minding how much we messed up.
I stood up from my mattress and walked towards the door. “Oluwatimileyin, it’s not love because you say it is. It’s not love because you are so destroyed at my departure. Yes, attachments can be that strong, but they aren’t love. That I loved you meant so much more and those emotions ran so deep inside me for so long. I loved you, I sacrificed my all for you, I walked into the storm with nothing but my love, my spirit, my will to protect, only asking for the safety of my heart, fragile emotions… and you. I said I would go to hell to save everyone, our world, that it sounded like a good deal. You didn’t just let me go. You pushed me into it to save yourself. You made me walk in the dark night alone so you wouldn’t have to walk in there, then you wept. That night I told you I was done with you. You knew it was over so did I. I thought you were brave, like the characters in your stories, instead you were the snivelling coward cradling his weakness as if it were a shield.”
“It’s a big shame on you!”
“The months that followed have proven to you more than once, what we were up against, what was at stake, that far from being crazy I was right. Recall the songs lover boy, ‘Perfect,’ and ‘If this is love,’ they played that day right after I told you to listen to the songs at the restaurant. Positive vs negative, light vs dark. One urge for positive change, the other morbidly for the status quo. It was then I told you of God, that the only way out was love. I said we had a chance, that I was finding the way for us”.
“I told you of the linguistic programming that is our reality, that it really is spoken. Everyone has their own path made just for them, their own beautiful puzzle with clues only they would understand proof that they are part of the God’s plan for heaven on earth. And still you hurt me, cheated on me, deceived me, manipulated me with lies, became a dark version of the innocent boy I once knew. Just know it doesn’t have to be this way, I would have saved you at any time had you shown true love and self-sacrifice. Now, we both know it is too late, I can only save those it is possible to share a bond of love with. If only. If only. If only we are meant to be..”