So, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she would head over to the law school building and we would have lunch together, talking and laughing about whatever was amusing at the moment. For the longest time, the subject of our conversations was Jeff. Before I ever went out on that date with him, we talked about things that he would text me (always sexual. We eventually moved onto what the first and second date were like, and after the horrible second date, Sam was the first person I told about just how horrible it was. While I’m sure I would still have been friends with Sam had it not been for Jeff, he definitely gave us something amusing to talk about.
Weeks turned into months, and the spring semester was over before I knew it. Summer started, and I was still taking classes, and now working at the same time. But, as I was only in class for 2 hours a day, I was working much more, and so, I got to see Samantha considerably more than I otherwise would have. By this time, I had made friends with some of the people outside of my department, and we’d all get together once a week for “game night” at my place. Samantha always came to these game nights, and eventually, we started to hang out outside of Meijer, school, and game night. Nothing major, but she grew on me…. to the point where I was debating telling her I liked her.
Now, I had always considered myself straight, or at least labeled myself as such, but I’d always been somewhat attracted to women. I’ve now come to find out that most bisexuals are not equally attracted to both sexes, but regardless, I had hesitated to label myself as anything other than straight before meeting this girl. Samantha was just… different. It was one of those can’t-put-your-finger-on-it things, where it took me forever to even admit to myself that I actually liked liked her. That’s when things got awkward.
Because the thing was, apparently, once I admitted to myself that ok, I was attracted to her, and ok, maybe I was bi… I allowed myself to do things I wouldn’t have otherwise done. If she’d come in looking pretty, I’d tell her (not specifically using the word “pretty,” but you get the idea), if she had on tight jeans, I’d ogle (discretely, of course), a low cut shirt… well, you get the idea. I didn’t turn into the typical-[fe]male by any means, but I did catch myself enjoying the view.
And one night, I decided to tell her.
You see, even after the incident with Jeff, I still talked to him occasionally. One random night, I was having a conversation with him about threesomes, and a conversation with Sam about the conversation with him (all of this through text messages). Make no sense? Good. Cause it didn’t. I had had a few drinks, and through a lot of complicated conversation that I won’t even try to replicate here, I basically told her that I was bi and wanted to jump her bones. In pretty much those exact words, give or take. Apparently, that was a bad idea.
She seemed to take it well at the time, though. She told me that she was straight and boy-crazy and all that and I thought ok, I looked like an idiot with what I did, but she’s ok with it. Yeah… not so much. Samantha started avoiding me like the plague. She did a complete 180; I went from having to empty my text message inbox on my phone every day to getting one text a week. Literally, (as can be vouched by a phone bill my parents hold onto for its amusement factor), I went from 2000 texts a month to 20.
As a lot of my co-workers are conservative and don’t even have a clue that I’m bi (because I’d be heading towards the burning fires of hell in their minds), for a moment there, I found no one to turn to. Yet again. The only person that knew at first was Jeff. He told me just to wait it out, and wasn’t much help. I eventually found a friend in another co-worker of mine, Ava. I told her the whole story, which she completely understood and didn’t freak out about, and she really helped me through it. In fact, we actually laughed about the entire thing several times, and when something would happen that was like an “update” in that part of my life, she was the first to know.
When I say that Sam avoided me like the plague, she really did. Samantha would avoid me on breaks, lunches, on the floor at work, just anywhere she could. I remember the one day we were both waiting at the time clock to clock in for the day and she just stood there and stared at the ground. Wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t say hi, nothing. Awkward. I made every effort to not push things, but to remain friendly. I tried not to react to anything any differently than I normally would have, and I intentionally tried to not say things that could be taken the wrong way (for instance, on occasion I call people “hun” — I made sure not to accidentally do this to her). I tried to say hi if she walked by, tried to text her, be friendly. After awhile, I did push things a bit, and I still feel that had I not, she never would have come around.