Why does love have to be so complicated?!” he yelled. Actually, it is not. Besides finding your wife’s love language, every woman loves to be complemented. I could see that in your wife’s eyes yesterday. You have been married to her for some years now, yet you did not know that. You need to do better, my friend.” “I am not that romantic!” “That is why you buy her expensive gifts and expect her to be happy. What did you do when you were chasing her? Did you just buy her gifts from day one?” “I asked her out first.”
“How? Why do guys think the chasing game should stop once you have a girl in your bed?” “It is not all about s£x, you know. I love Nkiruka deeply.” Don’t tell me that, tell her. She still wants to hear it. Those beautiful romantic and deep-felt expressions are not reserved for the early, chasing days of relationships. Chase after her heart even after she is yours. Tell her how beautiful she is. Comment on her ear rings, necklaces, clothes, shoes, hair styles…you just name it. She is dying to hear what you feel for her. After two children, you think she does not have doubts? Insecurities? Her body now speaks a different language than it did before. I wonder if she wonders if she is still attractive to you. Ben, please tell her that you do. Tell her tonight when she returns from work. Get back into her heart and explore her world all over again. Find out her language and speak it, my friend!” “Dike, how many girls did you date before Megan?”
“Just two. Why?” How come you know all these things? They do not come naturally to me, and my colleagues at work complain that they struggle on the romantic end too.” “They are not alone. Most men do. The good news is, we can all learn. I was once emotionally dumb and romantically stupid. When I found myself on the brink of losing the woman I love with all my heart and soul – Megan – I went to work studying the concept of love. I have learned a thing or two. Nkiruka still loves you. Learn to love her all over again!” That evening, when Nkiruka returned from work, she was in a hurry to get in the kitchen to make dinner.
“Babe, you look fabulous in that skirt and blouse,” Benjamin said. “Really? You like it?” she asked. “I don’t like it, Babe. I love it. I want to grab you from behind and…you know.” Nkiruka turned and stared at her. Her heart was pounding joyously. She stared intently at him like laser beams zeroing in on a target. “I have been dying to hear you talk like that. Are you alright, Babe?” She asked him. “I am ne honey. Seriously, you look hot in that outfit. By the way, you don’t have to worry about dinner. I made some rice and vegetable sauce. I already fed the kids. I would like to have a romantic evening with you. I want you to go out with me in that outfit. I’d like to see you in it all night…at least for another few hours before I help you take it off. We are going out on a date. I have a reservation for us.” Nkiruka could not move. Tears began to cascade down her face. “What is it sweetheart? I just wanted to…”
“I am ne. Please don’t stop talking to me like that. I want to hear more of it, Ben. You used to…you used to talk to me like that.” Benjamin walked over to her and took her in his arms. He wiped her tears and began to kiss her. She held onto him as though she’d die if she let go. “Never you stop talking to me like that!” She said, her voice filled with passion. “I won’t, sweetheart. I will never stop.”
“I am not sure I want to go out to dinner. I want to make love to you now. I can’t wait.” “Then, let’s do it!” … Benjamin and Nkiruka are still happily married – passionately in love. Their love life has grown from strength to strength. Like ice in the spring, Nkiruka’s aloofness has melted away. Her ears are filled with words…sweet words of love that send her to a whole new height. Now, she knows she is loved and she gives out her love to her husband with stalwart passion and commitment. Their activity in the bedroom recently led to a new addition to the family. I think I understand love better now,” Benjamin told me the last time we caught up in France. “Every woman is different. Gifts are great – by all means, give them. But if you do so without finding that singular or a blend of different languages that can unlock the treasure chest of your wife’s heart, your gifts are like water poured onto a rock. It bounces off, without making a significant dent. No matter the language, you have to speak volumes of compliments into your wife’s heart. Thanks for being honest with me, Dike. You saved my marriage,” Benjamin enthused.
“You inspire me my friend. You took the little things I said to heart and went to work with them. A woman’s heart is like a gourd of water. If you do not fill it with water constantly, it dries out, and eventually, it will crack and break. So goes for a man. We all crave love, care, and warmth – let’s give what we want to receive in our relationships. Hold nothing back. Be lavish with your praise, my friend. Keep doing what you are doing.”