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How To Protect Yourself Against Village People

Old Nollywood was very obsessed with “village people” in the 90s and early 2000s, but as it turns out, they were on to something. Isn’t movies a reflection of reality? I know you know a few things about what village people do and how they operate, do you know how to protect yourself against them?

Thank your stars that you came across this post because it contains actionable steps that have been put to the test and proven to be effective. You won’t find this anywhere else. Again, thank your stars.

Now, let’s begin.

1. Only sleep with red or black blankets

See, the first step to winning this eternal fight against your village people is to learn how to confuse them. They like red and black colours, so why don’t you use that to your advantage? Wrap yourself in red or black blankets before you sleep. If you can manage it, also light candles of the same colours in your bedroom.

This is how this will work for you — every time they send whatever they have planned for you, the thing will get confused because of the colours, think you’re an ally and turn back. The best part? Your village won’t even know that their mission failed. They don’t get delivery reports.

I know red and black isn’t great for bedroom aesthetics, but na who dey alive dey do interior designer.

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