“Answer me, do you know how many women out there want him to be their husband?” Sister Bwalya asked.
“Thats where you get it all wrong. Just because he married me it doesn’t mean that I should feel inferior to him. Yes, there are many women who would want him, but that doesn’t make me feel am being done a favour by him to the extent of jeorpadising my stance. He will give me my money.”
“I have done my part of telling you what you ought to know, the choice is now yours.”
“Thank you by the way. I have appreciated your concern.”
“You are welcome. And the best you can do is to apologise to him when you get
“For the sake of your marriage, do it”
“He has to explain to me where he slept firstly”
“If you don’t start the conversation he will not say anything. Just lower yourself. Okay, if you apologise to him, what will you lose? Will you die? No, that will be your starting point”
“Okay, i will do my best. I will still have to see Chabota so that I can compare her stance on the matter”
“You mean you want to tell your friend about this?”
“Yes, any problem?”
“Yes, there is a problem. Such sensitive issues should not be shared anyhow not even to your close friends. Keep that between you and your husband. It’s not good to share a lot of stuff about your marriage to youe friends. They might seem helping but you will be disrespecting your marriage.”
“So you mean I shouldn’t tell her?”
“Ask yourself, when did she ever tell you something concerning her bedroom issues?”
“I can’t remember”
“You see. She respects her marriage. Keep this to yourself.”
“Icupo ni nkama” sister Bwalya added. (Marriage is secrecy)
“I have heard thank you”
“You don’t listen. I have to inject benzathine into your heard” sister Bwalya said laughing with her.
After knocking off from work, Peter did not go home. He went to his grandfather who was staying in town after retiring as a bank manager.
He wanted to seek for some wisdom on how to handle what had transpired at home.
Fortunately, he found him home sitted in the garden reading a newspaper.
“Hello my boy. Welcome” grandfather said.
Peter sat on the garden chair next to his grandfather.
“How was work today?” Grandpa asked.
“It was fine and how is staying home for you?”
“As long I am not having an empty stomach, all is good. What about your forehead, it seems swollen, what happened?” “Oh that don’t worry. Where is grandma?”
“She is inside with your cousins who had come visiting”
“Oh okay, I think we can talk before they see me because I won’t have privacy with you.”
“Okay, talk to me” grandpa said putting down the news paper.
Peter explained everything that happened at home the previous night. “Oh that’s so so sad”
“So, grandpa, tell me the truth, where was i wrong? And how do I sort out this issue?”
“There are three issues I have isolated from your explanation. The debt, the intimacy and your sleeping out. We will deal with each issue at a time. Let’s start with, the issue of debt. A debt is a debt regardless of what is used for or where you got it. It has to be settled. So since you asked her to lend you, you should pay her back for the sake of peace and her trust.”
“Grandpa, she is my wife and she is the one who used it, why should I pay her?” “Because you asked her to lend you. You should have reasoned with her to help you”
“I tried but she refused.”
“Okay, regardless, you should keep your words to her on that. The mistake you made was at the beginning of your marriage. You made her get used to using her salary as she pleases. You should have trained her into putting it together with yours and budget.”
“So it will continue like that?”
“No, you will have to talk nicely with her. Reason with her and am sure she will
“Coming to the issue of intimacy, she was wrong to deny you because of the issue of money. Money and intimacy are two separate things.” “I thought so also. It pained me grandpa”
“Yeah it can pain. She has to change on that. Talk to her nicely about it. She shouldn’t be using it to make you do something for her.” “I will try”
“And you should also have some sense”
“You saw that you have made your wife angry and there you go wanting to do it, were you crazy? That act has to be done when both parties are in the mood and ready for it”
“Grandpa is it my fault that it got hard?”
“Look at you! Learn to control yourself. There are certain instances where you will just have to try to ignore it. Women also need to be given breathing space on that. Not today you doda three times, the next day four times and in a week 37 times, do you want to get a medal?”
Peter broke into laughter hearing what grandfather had said.
“Okay I have heard.”
“Too much of anything is bad.”
“Yeah I get you”
“And finally, the issue of sleeping out after an argument, that’s a no go zone. If you are a well trained and matured man, you can never leave your home after an argument.”
“So you wanted me to be with her there? I cooled off after leaving home”
“You can leave only when she wants to fight with you but if not, why didn’t you go to the other bedroom to have some fresh air? Going out is bad” “How? It worked for me”
“Whilst leaving in angry state you can experience an accident and kill you. And where would you say you spent your night?” “I was at the bar”
“The whole night?”
“You left home horny and went to a night club how would you convince anyone
that you did nothing?”
“I swear, i did nothing”
“You have no evidence. So desist from doing that. Let I be your last time.”
“Okay grandpa, so what do I do now?”
“When you get home, talk to your wife nicely. Reason with each and make ways of starting over your marriage. It’s messed up.” “Okay”
“Cousin! You couldn’t even tell me that you are here?” Shouted his cousin who had come out.
The cousin ran to him and embraced him tightly.
“Oh I missed you Peter.”
“I missed you too Tamarah. Otherwise how have you been?”
“So far so good”
“Hey, call your grandmother for me” grandfather said to Tamarah.
“Grandpa, you are not at the bank where you would order around your workers.
Ask politely, can’t you see that i am with my sweetheart?” She said.
“If I slap you, your entire generation will go deaf. Come on hurry” grandpa said stretching his hand to slap her.
“Okay just a moment Peter, let me do as the bank manager pleases” she said. “Okay fine”
“Yeah so do as I have told you. Marriage has ups and downs, these are the downs. And once you succeed with this, your marriage will get even stronger.” “Thank you Grandpa. I am very grateful”
“Anytime my boy”.