I tell you Sarah our small house-maid
don spoil, just imagine the girl was pestering
me about my brother that she loves him. I come
dey wonder na picture she love or person
wey dey overseas, I told her that she is too small
to talk about marriage and love. And the
girl claimed she isn’t a small pikin, aunty
wetin you be na? because you small for
my eyes or you be small mama. She even
claimed that she will do my brother well
whenever they want to do mommy and
daddy, that small girl is something else.
I wonder who told her all these kind of
stuffs, she told me that she always peep
whenever her parents did it in the night.
How manage? one room came her reply.
Back to the matt when Clara tried to test
my height over her shortness, after Corper
Puna was disgraced by me. I didn’t how
come Clara figured it out that I was the
one ’cause no one was suspecting me
of the crime, she rushed from only God
knows and met me having a cool time
under a mango tree with my break-time
snacks I bought.
Clara: witch, shebi you don succeed?
Me: na me you dey call witch, calanja?
Clara: na me you dey call dwarf, Gift?
Me: I no get strength for you, commot here.
Clara: na you do that thing to Corper Tony?
Me: na you send Corper Puna?
Clara: *pointing a finger at me* I go deal with you for this school.
Me: you nodey fear, you dey point somebody wey tall pass you. You want my fall on top?
landed a slap on my face and I returned
the favour with two back and front slap
in quick succession, I pushed her forcefully
on the head and she stumbled back staggering
to the ground, she came me again and
I pressed my height on a short stature
and I made sure she is shorter than before,
before we were separated and taken to
the staff-room, they flogged both of us
but her own is way worse because she
be former SP. Brown started disturbing
me and preaching love, I no want another
wahala from any boyfriend but he refused
to give up. The thing funny how he will
woo till we get to our gate, sending love
letters to me.
Me: I don tell you no many times you nodey tire?
Brown: I nofit tire, I love you.
Me: audio love bah?
Brown: no, I truly love you.
Me: I accept.
we started dating na only hug we don
hug, Brown will be vibrating like nokia
torch anytime we hug I come dey wonder
why. And the wahala be say na me godey
start those hugs, so tiring. Which kind
boyfriend I go give myself, the most annoying
thing was when he visited me and we
spent the whole day without kiss or even
body contact, if you want to be celibate
don’t admit somebody daughter into your
celibacy before faceless thunder will strike
you death. I was so angry with him that
I refused talking to him, as a sweet-talker
he is, I couldn’t hold my silence for so
long and I told what was on my mind.
He was surprise and he told me he is
saint, person wey never shift pant before.
I doubted sha… One day he visited my
house, I took him to my bedroom and I
started another kiss section, he was new
to it and the moment we broke the kiss
he was panting like someone who has
ran two metres bare-foot. Ahh.. Ahh! He
was so excited to try it again, before I
even removed my bra cup, he has cu-mmed
in his boxer, all effort to make his kulikuli
rise yield no result. True true the guy was
a virgin, where on Earth did this one crawl
out from ehnn? abeg I don return to ona
ohh… I told him he can only be my friend
and he was excited to be one if I will always
allow him to kiss me, I agreed and he
was so happy like mad. He even bought
me a gift for agreeing, what does this one
have with kiss? After I wrote my Jamb
and scored high, then came WAEC with
enough Exam bombs I made all my papers.
I wrote POST-UTME and past, University
here I come. Our Elder say when a child
stepped into a water without knowing how
to swim, he/she will end up drowning.