I laid in the bed and cried the more as the memories of the five minute thrust haunted me. ‘I love you. . . I loved you since I saw you as a baby. I nurtured this thought since then. It’s a dream come true’ his words still rang inside my head.
So this is love.
This is what it means when people say ‘make love’
Love my foot!
I would rather hate than ‘love’ this way.
‘Don’t cry. Aren’t you loving it?’ he had asked as he thrust into me with great force laughing, it was obvious he was enjoying what he was doing to me.
The more he asked that, the more I hated him, the more I wished to stab him till I was sure he was dead, exposing his dirty act to the whole world.
‘Jesus, this is f****** great!’ he exclaimed with greatecstasy as he crushed his sweaty smelly nose against my cheek. So Jesus is even aware of all these? Their Jesus could allow this to happen to an innocent girl like me. He could mention this name in this dirty act and he didn’t do anything? I thought they said he was powerful. Why couldn’t he stop this beast?
Why couldn’t He send fire and brimestone from heaven?
There is no Jesus. . . If peradventure I am wrong, then he is not powerful. He isn’t a savior’. The words poured out of my mouth accompanied by my tears. Wouldn’t he strike me down? Wouldn’t he slap me for blasphemy?
I waited as I listened quietly, tears still streaming down.
I heard nothing.
I saw nothing.
Maybe there isn’t any Jesus or God or whatever anyways, I concluded as I fell on the ground.
The pain in my tummy, down my legs made my thin legs to shiver uncontrollably, I had never felt that way before.
As I felt the cold shiver down my spine and I shook vigorously, it felt as if my heart wanted to fall, it was that bad.
There was a bang at the door that jolted me out of my thought.
‘Open this door’ mum called out from outside. I looked towards the door and it looked so far. How many minutes would it take for me to get to the door? That would be ages.
‘My children are late for school open this door. ‘ she banged louder. Tears streamed down my face again. I wish I could garner strength from somewhere but I couldn’t. I looked towards the wardrobe and there was Benedicta’s uniform. I wished I could take it out magically so the she could have it but no. I couldn’t, I was so weak that I couldn’t move a finger. The coldness of the bare floor which I now laid on gave me such comfortability that I had to just concur to it’s embrace and acceptance. ‘Are you crazy Edna? Better don’t let me utter what is in my mouth because if I do, the ground would be higher than you’ she shouted. I didn’t move. I knew it was very dangerous.
I knew that I had aroused such anger that if she caught me, the ground would really have me buried in lifelessly but still I couldn’t move, I could just cry.
And I did it well.
‘Ben,go get me the electric kettle with the hot water in it. I will cook someone to death today’ she ordered angrily and she meant it. She doesn’t make empty threat but still, I didn’t stand up, the floor was so comforting.
It was so soothing at first when it it touched my tummy directly, what was that? It became like a hot pack against my hurting stomach.
I tried lifting my hand and I cringed as I touched it. Hot water!
She sent hot water streaming down from under the door.
I tried to move away as I saw more steaming streams coming towards me.