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Confessions of a Funaab Yahoo Boy – Season 1 – Episode 16

After about 2 hours, Uchenna and his relative came out of the deceased house. They said the deceased parents said they don’t have anything against me. I asked if I should go and see them! They said the father in particular they para. They said they don’t want to have anything to do with me. And that I should carry my wickedness and problems out of their house. “Chaii, so na me be problem wey dem dey face.” We left the place.

Funke called me to commiserate with me over the death of Nuella. She called with another number. I asked if we could meet somewhere.

She said it wasn’t possible. Na so I beg oo but she cut the call and switched off the phone.

Few days later, the student disciplinary committee of my school invited me for questioning over what transpired between I and Nuella. I defended my self and told them what happened. God was on my side that I wasn’t rusticated or suspended. After 3 weeks, I was pardoned by the school management. Na so Chukwu Abiama take save me.

Weeks later after resumption into 400 level. “Nuella dem don become history for my side.” I had given up on getting Funke back because all efforts of me trying to get her back proved abortive. My image on campus had been badly damaged. It looked as if the gods are angry with me. Turn out in all the seminars I was organizing had become extremely poor. I wasn’t happy it was getting poor because I was making up my mind to quit the Yahoo Yahoo business. I began wondering, “each time I was making plans to quite so I could concentrate on my genuine business; the genuine business would start failing me.” But this time, my mind was made up. I was so ready to quit, no matter how. I had even started having weird feelings of quitting, accompanied by terrible scary dreams. Infact I was even contemplating on moving out of the house I and my guys (Abisoko and Uchenna) shared. I was wishing to get my own place sef. And anything, money wey my guys make, I didn’t want to be a part of it or share in it.

I was preparing for my project, thesis at home when I got a call from a friend that our last academic semester results had been pasted. My two guys (Uchenna and Abisoko) were not around. They had gone to Mapoly, and I refused following them because I was scheduled to meet with my Project supervisor. Na so I rush take my phone com call my guys tell them say I hear say them don paste result. They asked me to help check their own when I get to school. Na so I enter school come go my department result notice board. I only met few people checking theirs. I just wanted to see what I was given for my I.T. I saw mine, it was not that bad. 4.65 for GP. Atleast e boost my CGPA wey dey fall. I was now in 2.3 CGPA with about 8 carry over courses for first and second semester. “I thought to myself to buckle up because na final year I dey.” I checked Abisoko’s own and uchenna’s. I couldn’t believe my eyes what I saw boldly written to their name, “RUSTICATED. ” Na so I clean my eyes come look am again to be sure of what I was seeing. But no be Nollywood film I dey watch. It wasn’t a film. Na reality. I brought out my phone to call my guys to tell them what I saw.

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As I was about dialing Uchenna’s number, he was already calling me. Uchenna’s call was coming in. I picked it. He had been told about it.

He said couple of friends called to tell him some moments ago. So he wanted to know if I was there to confirm. Na so I tell am say na true oo. But I was very sad. I told him to come back immediately. He said he and Abisoko were already on their way back. I began wondering why they were rusticated. But I guessed it was due to their academic performance. Their CGPA was so low. Uchenna was 0.89 and Abisoko 0.92 with loads of carryover. “This one na withdrawal from the university.” In my own case, it was certain that I was having an extra year because I wasn’t able and won’t be allowed to register all the 8 courses for first and second semester. I was pained that I would be having an extra year but I was using my guys condition to console my own.
As days went by, Uchenna and Abisoko were trying so hard to meet lecturers and staffs they know in the school if they could help them out over there rustication but it went ‘negative.’ I was trying my best to help but nothing good was forth coming. As time went by, they had forgotten about it and moving on. But they still remained in the house, refusing to go back home. Uchenna said he wasn’t going to tell his uncle, it would hurt him. He would start working on something, either to move to U.S or Malaysia to start school again. Abisoko too had already said he won’t tell his people back home. Na were Uchenna dey him go dey. They brought up an idea. That we should all work together, get Malaysian visa and travel out. Na so me tell them say I no fit just leave school.

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After all the stress, then leave at that final year. “It’s impossible,” I told them. Na so them begin persuade me to change my mind. “Though we had gotten use to each other but I wasn’t willing to take the risk.” I told them to wait till I graduate, them say “No.” I told them to leave that I would come and join them. But they refused. They just want me to leave school and follow them but me no gree. Me sef don dey find way to cut myself from them sef. The situation became intense. We quarreled over it but I was still adamant. I felt like leaving the house but I felt it was a wrong decision. Those guys had been my closest friends. They have been with me and they actually helped my life and career. I couldn’t just leave. And there was this deal on ground that we were walking on. I had already started pulling myself out from it. I wasn’t going to involve myself with scam. Part of me was telling me that the way I was going about it was wrong and dangerous. But I was ready to thread that path.

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There was a time Uchenna started accusing me of abandoning them after helping me. But I used academics as the reason i wanted pull out of them. But they were not buying it. At a time I felt I should just leave the house and rent another for myself because I wasn’t having a rest of mind at the place again. G-money even called to ask what was going on. I told him that I wasn’t pulling myself out but they should just exercise patience till after my graduation. Himself (G-money) come dey tell me say the distraction no go affect my education, say we dey move enter another country go school. I tell them say till I finish the one wey I dey. But at the back of my mind, “even if they will wait, I wasn’t ready to return to yahoo yahoo.” Even though the money on the current deal was enticing, “I was ready to let go.” I felt the little money I had would be enough as I was still organizing my seminars.
Weeks later after moving out of the house I, Uchenna and Abisoko shared. My guys came to me and asked I return to the house, “that the fact we had series of argument doesn’t mean we should just separate.” After much explanations, I felt their point ooo. Even me sef dey miss them. We had been together for long. I told them I will be a part of their new deal. They said it was worth N100m and G-money was also involved too. They asked me to come back to the house. I told them that I would come back. After they had left, “part of me was telling me it was just a trap” but “another part of me felt the opposite,” they had been my guys, they won’t hurt me. I had earlier said I wasn’t going back to Yahoo yahoo but this one, the money was so enticing and I was going to make up to N10m from the deal. The N10m was so important to me because I was going down financially. My online businesses were not moving at all. The seminars I organize, turn out has been low.

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After I had told my guys that I would return to the house, I was feeling uneasy. “My mind was not at rest.” “I felt I was making the wrong decision.” “I felt there was danger ahead.”

Few days later, the first semester exam was fast approaching and I was really preparing for it. My mom called that the family of our late house keeper had started disturbing again. Na so I travel go Ilorin. Before, na my guys dey help me make connections with Police. Now wey be say I still dey post them, them no fit gree help me get through top police officers wey go help.

I and my mom had to approach the family. We took a lawyer and some police men along to visit them. After much deliberations for 3 days, we were asked to pay the family N3m. “shey na we kill the girl?” I thought to myself. I was having only N4.5m in my account. But we were advised by the lawyers to pay because they believe the family of the deceased were into fetish things. “They might strike us.” We(family of the deceased and my family) finally settled for N1.7m which I paid to close the case.
I was still in Ilorin, Uchenna and Abisoko had been calling me to come back because the deal had been sealed and it was left for me to go and process it as usual and get in touch with banker Jide in Ibadan. I had to tell them to exercise patience. “That Scorpion bite my mama and I come carry the woman go hospital.” I felt she should just recover to an extent before leaving.

I finally returned back to Abeokuta after two weeks in Ilorin. I had missed a couple of continuous assessment tests (CAT). But I trusted myself that I would be able to make it up at the exams.

For one week, I had not communicated with my guys and it was unusual and they didn’t call me. I tried their line but it wasn’t going through. I tried the one of G-money, all his three numbers, non were going through. I called some of our friends we had in common to know if they are aware about there were abouts, but none could say exactly about their present location or anything about them. I went to their house and the doors were locked. Na so fear come dey catch me ooo.

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