Aunty big nyansh kept praying for God to save her from the trouble she had gotten herself into. She immediately knelt down on the floor and lifted her hands up to the ceiling. Aunty big nyansh was looking at the demarcated ceiling like one who could see through it.
“Baba God. Na you give me the property wey I the carry for back. No be my fault say men the follow me; no be my fault. That spirit wey the make people die anytime them contact my nyansh baba kill am today. Make that spirit die by fire. Baba, save me from this case and I promise you, I no go knack again. I go put padlock for this puna.”
Uncle teacher and I kept looking at Aunty big nyansh. The police man who had taken Uncle Chemist to the cell returned and was surprised to find Aunty big nyash praying and slamming in tongues.
“Tah get up there before I knack you pistol. So you know say your nyansh the kill people, na im you still get mind give landlord five rounds. If I catch you pray for this police station again, I go handcuff you. You don’t know that you need to be arrested.”
“Uncle I warn am.”
“Who be your Uncle? I resemble your father brother?”
“Sorry for yourself.”
While everywhere was quiet, I turned to Aunty big Nyansh and asked.
“Aunty, na true say if I get contact with your nyansh I go die?”
“You don ever get contact with am before? Which kind yeye question come be that one.”
“I dey ask. Because I contact am for the Car when we the come station. Na me lap you. Abi you don forget. Abeg if I go die, tell me now so that I go call my Pastor make him pray for me.”
“So my nyansh don turn covid 19 shebi. E don turn Covid wey them the contact and die anyhow. Praises, hold your levels na. You dey mad shebi?”
She turned to the officer and started shouting and pointing hands at him.
“Officer make you warn this nonentity wey get preek like pencil. Warn am o. How him go the sit-down close to me the yarn rubbish. Na because police give you opportunity to take caress my back side for car, you wan come use me shine. Oga police warn am o.”
The police at the counter gaped at Aunty big nyansh with his eyes opened wide.
“Na me you the warn rubbish? I be your messenger? Abi you the craze ni?”
The officer turned to me.
“But come o, you don chop her too? How she take know say you get preek like pencil.”
“Oga na just insult she insult me. E no mean anything big like that.”
Aunty big nyansh exploded.
“I get time to insult you? You no carry preek like pencil? Even landlord the do pass you. Nonsense.”
“Chai…This one bite me.” Uncle Teacher exclaimed. “I don the suspect this thing since. I the suspect am. I don the suspect say you and Uncle Praises don do something before.”
“Abegi hold your side for there. I dey follow you the play? Him preek no better pass your own.”
Police slammed his hand on the counter and shouted.
“Jesus Christ of Nazareth. This people have broken my fasting. Where are you people from? Na which compound una the stay?”
“Sinners compound.” His colleague blurted.
Just then, landlady entered the station accompanied with Landlord whose face carried a plaster. They walked straight to the counter and spoke inaudibly with the police officer.
“Who be the Praises?” He turned in our direction to inquire.
Uncle teacher pointed at me.
“Na him. This guy. Na him lock gate, come lock all of us for inside house. Na because of him all this trouble start.”
“And na him come lock beans for inside house?” The police asked.
“Yes sir.” I replied.
Landlord approached me like one who was ready to slap me at any moment.
“My friend do you want to burn my house? Do you know how much I built it? Or do you think it is the small thirty-five thousand you are paying me that I used in building that house? Will you run home and bring down the beans that is smelling inside the compound.”
While I walked out of the station, he turned to the police.
“Officer, this is a compound issue. And we want to settle it as neighbors. We don’t want the issue to drag anymore to the federal government. Please. Just allow everybody to go back home. But as for that idiot, he will not live in my house again. Ending of this month, he will pack out. His rent has even expired.”
“Is he the only one that will pack out?” Landlady echoed.
We all turned to Landlady who was carrying her two hands on her waist and beating her right foot on the floor.
“Iya, I thought we have settled this matter?”
“Settled what? We have not settled anything. Because I cannot be living with a woman who just attempted to break my marriage. A woman who will be shaking buttocks in front of my husband.”
“But I told you that Aunty big nyansh was only helping me out so I do not go and fornicate outside our marriage. If not for her help I would have gone to sleep with an HIV patient outside. She really helped us o. Please let her stay. We are all enjoying her presence. At least if not for anything, but for the Akara and Kunu she do make every morning.”
Then he turned to Uncle teacher.
“Or are you not enjoying her Akara?”
Uncle teacher nodded.
“If she is staying, Praises is not going anywhere. He too must stay. Let us just forgive everybody.”
“Ah ah, why na?” Landlord asked with his mouth wide open. “When did Praises become a thing of concern in the compound? Why will you say he should stay? Or have you also been…”
I stamped my feet twice and walked out. Heading home to bring down my beans.