On our way to the station, the driver was speeding like one chasing robbers. He turned on his siren to show that our case was a matter of urgency.
He kept swerving from left to right like someone dodging demons on the high way.
And when he entered those deep pot holes, Aunty big nyansh will jump on impact and land back on my laps like a baby. Her buttocks was as soft as today’s bread. At some point, I felt like squeezing it just to feel its softness.
Even though all the neighbours in the car didn’t like the way the driver kept bumping into pot holes, in my mind I prayed severely that we encountered more potholes that will make Aunty big nyansh jump more.
It didn’t take long before my manhood stood up. It was strong; very strong. Aunty big nyansh felt it and turned back to look at my me.
“Sorry. Na like that my body dey. E dey respond quick quick.” I blurted.
I was already sweating and trying to position my face to show that I was not enjoying it.
Thankfully she did not say a word to me.
I believe her head was already occupied with the scene that had taken place at the compound, and my uncalled erection was the least of her problems. Maybe it was even helping to ease her problems before we get to the station.
We finally arrived the station after an hour ride. When we entered the police station, all the police people were looking at us like people who were happy to see that they have brought in new set of criminals.
“Where una catch this ones from?” The police man at the counter asked.
“From their compound. Them kill one man.”
“We no kill am o. Him enter convulsion.” Uncle teacher retorted.
“Shut up. I say shut your mouth. Who ordered you to speak?” The police at the counter fired angrily as they led us behind the counter.
Uncle chemist lifted his hand to speak but a police man slapped him from nowhere.
“Oga I only came to revive the body of the landlord.” Uncle chemist spoke amidst pain.
“You came to do what?” The police man at the counter asked.
“I came to revive the body sir.”
“Are you a revivor?”
“No sir. I get chemist for the area. I am a doctor.”
Two police men laughed.
“So you are a chemistry man?” The police man asked further.
“So na wetin happen to their landlord?”
“Oga police, na person slap their landlord. The man enter convulsion immediately.”
“Who enter convulsion? The person wey slap the landlord abi the landlord.”
“Oga na the landlord.”
“Okay, so who slap the landlord?”
“The man don run. Him name na Uncle church.”
“Uncle Church. So you wey quiet like say you be christian, wetin be your own name?” The police man pointed at me.
“Praises. My name is Praises.”
“Praises? Which occupation? You be pastor?”
“Sometimes sir. But I be Writer, script writer and story teller, sir.”
“Only you get three work?”
The police man turned to his fellow colleague, then he returned his gaze to me.
“So tell us the story of what happened between you and the landlord.”
“No o. I no get anything to do with the landlord. Na me and the tenants get problem.” I protested with my hands up.
“Oga police, it was him that locked us inside the room. This guy is a trouble maker. Forget his innocent face. He is a big trouble maker.” Uncle teacher exploded.
“Wait.. Wait… Wait… Who lock door? What are you saying?”
“Oga sir, na Uncle Praises lock the door. Na im landlady come catch Landlord and Aunty big nyash the kpokiri for inside bedroom.”
“What is Kpokiri?”
“Sir, they were gbenshing.”
“What is gbenshing?”
“Oga, I mean they were knacking.”
“My friend do you think I have your time? I will knack you pistol. Will you speak up and stop talking in parables. What do you mean by Knacking?”
Uncle teacher tapped Aunty big nyash.
“Talk na. Na you dey inside bedroom with landlord. Wetin una come the do?”
Aunty big nyash started shedding crocodile tears.
“Landlord come collect charger.”
The police man at the counter slammed his hand on his register and turned to his other colleague.
“O boy, this case tie wrapper and blouse. Make I go chop eba first. If I come back we go continue.”
As he walked out, the other policemen followed him behind.
And then, I remembered the beans I put on fire that morning before the whole fight began. I had locked my door without bringing it down from the fire.
Then I knew there were two things involved. It was either the house catch fire, or the beans over dorn.