Just before I lose myself in my thoughts, let me tell you about us. My name is Sandra, and Koyin, Amanda, and Bimpe are my friends. We are all in our late twenties and we live together in a three bedroom flat. Koyin and I have a room to ourselves while Bimpe and Amanda share a room. I work for an advertising company. Bimpe is a nurse, Koyin is a banker and Amanda is into business; she has a small boutique. We all met at the NYSC camp when we were posted to Lagos and since then we have been inseparable. We are all from comfortable families except Koyin whose parents are very rich. Koyin has a car, I have a company car too and between the two of us we get the ladies anywhere they want to go. I know my friends very well and I want you to know them too.
Bimpe is very gentle, she hardly gets angry, she loves to cook and clean, always caring for everybody. She’s the peacemaker. She likes fair guys, she has one boyfriend called John. She is a very pretty girl.
Koyin is the lazy one, she can pay her way through anything but she is also gentle and considerate. She likes to read and play video games. She likes guys that are not too tall because she’s short herself and Usman, until recently was her boyfriend, she’s an attractive lady.
Amanda is a very fair lady; she’s hard working and very independent. She has her own boutique and loves men of all tribes, size, age and color so far they are rich. She has four lovers that I know of but she claims to love Uche. She’s a beautiful girl.
What else have I not told you? Oh me! Like I mentioned before, I’m Sandra, I work for an advertising company, I am a very straightforward person but some people think I’m too frank. I like tall dark rich men and I like to use men to satisfy my various needs. I have five partners presently. After a very nasty and sad experience with love, I vowed not to ever love again and I believe love is for fools. I’m sexy.
Now that you know us, the summary of the four of us goes thus; Bimpe is the mother hen, Koyin is the daddy’s girl, Amanda is the bitch, and I am the queen bitch. Welcome to our world.
‘Girls, let’s face it, these guys don’t give a damn about us. You care for them, cook for them, open your legs for them and yet what do you get?’ I asked bitterly.
‘But they are not all bad, you know.’ Bimpe inserted, defending the one that just hurt her! Shouldn’t there be a limit to being nice?
‘I know dear but how many frogs do we have to kiss before we meet our Prince Charming?’ Koyin asked.
‘My point exactly.’ Amanda said. I liked the fact that my girlfriends were in the mood to be mean to men and I really wanted them to be for what I had in mind for us that weekend. I stood up and paced the living room, I pressed on.
‘Let’s face the fact chicks, when last have you done something for yourself without considering what effect it would have on your boyfriends? When was the last time they did something for you? You know, those little things that count like; take you to lunch, surprise you with a cake even though it’s not your birthday, take you away for a weekend so you won’t have to cook or do anything but relax. When was the last time they held you throughout the night without fucking you or sat down with you to watch a silly program you love like you endure watching football with them? Their blackberry status on Friday read “TGIF club things,” were you invited? Because the last time I checked we all love to dance and have fun too!’ I argued getting angrier every minute and my friends were totally into me because I was riding on their hurt feelings and everything I said made sense to them. Koyin said;
‘So what can we do about it, our families won’t let us rest until we bring our man home the moment we turn twenty-five and we can’t fuck ourselves you know? I need a man to make me feel like a woman!’
‘Why can’t you fuck yourself? My vibrator knows my body better than any man and why should we live our lives for our families? What about us, our dreams, ambitions, careers and our happiness? It’s our life after-all and we can only live it once! Why should marriage be the height of success for a woman when most of the people in it are not happy and looking for ways to get out?’ I asked. We all sat down and kept quiet; I could see I had them where I wanted them.
‘Girls, I think we should go on a “man cleanse”, let’s go out this weekend and do something for ourselves! Do whatever we want! Let’s get out of our comfort zones and have fun, who is in with me.’ Amanda raised up her hand without questioning.
If it has to do with fun and money, then I can always count on Amanda.
‘So who else is in?’ I asked Koyin and Bimpe eyed me suspiciously.
‘Come on girls, I promise you it will be a good weekend,’ I cajoled.
‘Hmmmmm. What is your idea of fun and ‘man cleanse?’ What do you have in mind?’ she asked. This was the tricky part, I hoped my manipulative skills hadn’t left me
‘Let’s use men this weekend, let’s go have fun, have raw sex, demand from them what we want, do only the things we want to do,’ I told them.
‘I’m so cool with your idea gurlfriend! I hope these guys are rich?’ Amanda asked. Koyin and Bimpe exchanged a look and Koyin asked,
‘How is going out to have sex with random men going to help us, aside the fact that it’s not right and it’s not safe?’
‘Why is it not right? You just lost your boyfriend! It will be helping you because you are going to be using them this weekend and not the other way round and you can be sure I’ll only hook you up with responsible rich guys who can treat ladies right, trust me!’ I pleaded.
I could see Koyin was considering my offer but Bimpe sat unconvinced.
‘Even though John is a bastard I don’t think turning myself into a weekend prostitute is the right thing to do,’ Bimpe said and went into her room. I looked at Koyin I could see she was almost convinced so I went in for the kill.
‘Koyin please, let’s do this, it will only make you feel berra.’ I said but seeing she wasn’t yet fully convinced, I moved closer to her and held her hands.
‘Ok, let me make a deal with you, how about we all left if we got there and you are not comfortable? Please let’s do this,’ I begged her trying to be diplomatic.
‘Ok I’ll sleep over it and let you know tomorrow morning,’ I hugged her and she said,
‘Don’t get your hopes up,’ she picked up her bag and left for her room.
‘So how will you get these guys? That’s the part I’m interested in.’ Amanda asked winking at me.
‘Leave that one to me. What I need you for is to go into your room and do everything in your power to convince Bimpe. Do everything you can to make her agree to this because it’s either there’s four of us or none of us! So go work your magic on her!’ I shooed her off.
‘Ok ma’am but please remember, I want the richest guy amongst them!’ she said and went into her room. Without wasting a minute, I got on the phone and called my best friend Ademola.
‘Sup bro, I need your help.’ I said.
‘Hello pretty, how are you too? And I’m fine, thank you.’ He said and I laughed. With good friends, you never need to apologize. You don’t need greetings or goodbyes. They love you regardless.
‘Come on ‘Demo, I’m serious I need your help!’ I told him.
‘Ok shoot, what can I do for you?’ he asked.
‘I need four handsome rich guys, who are good in bed and can show a woman a good time and have a weekend to spare,’ I told him.
‘Am I invited?’ He asked.
‘No, you are my best pal and you know we can’t fuck. Now get serious, will you do it for me?’ I asked.
‘I can find you rich guys who know how to entertain ladies but how on earth am I supposed to know how they perform in bed?’
‘It’s you now! Besides you guys talk and you know the ones with the bed power. You can do it for me, pleeeaaasssseee…’ I begged in my sweet voice.
‘OK-OK-OK but, only if I get to hear the full gist when you get back!’ He negotiated.
‘Deal.’ I replied.
‘Okay good! Give me the qualities you want in each guy and which weekend are you looking at?’
‘This weekend. I can’t allow the girls to change their mind and I’ll see you during lunch break tomorrow so we can discuss the guys.’ I told him.
‘Sandra! Today is Monday and you want me to find you four guys in four days? You ask for the impossible and you don’t give a brother a break, do you?’ He demanded.
‘You know you can do it, I’ll see you tomorrow.’ I greased his elbow.
‘Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch. We’re eating French and you are paying, bye!’ He said and cut the line, I smiled and said to myself;
‘I’m a bitch!’